The Best Years

Today was not a fairytale...

2012-01-30T19:26:00.000-08:00

Today was not a fairy tale for me.

I have a yucky head cold. I am 8 months pregnant. There are very few things I can take for this cold, so I am taking nothing and just suffering through. Also, I am trying very hard to not go into labor with Olivia Kate and end up back in the hospital or put on bed rest for the next two weeks. I've got stuff to do! We are having a "snow day" tomorrow with our schooling, I have 34 meals to make and freeze before the baby comes, we are having friends over on Saturday, and I am having a girls only weekend with one of my besties next weekend.

I don't have time for sickness or bedrest.

Often I feel like I struggle to get it all done. To be perfect. It is hard for me when the boys don't behave perfectly or when the house isn't shiny and clean. I honestly like the living areas of our home to look like no one actually "lives" here. Steve does too and this is not easy with two boys running around, living in that space. :-)

Another thing I struggle with is when the children don't behave the way I think they should. I feel like it reflects badly on me as a parent, like I somehow have failed when they have a bad day or get overly emotional about something. I have got one child that is just very strong willed. He has always been that way. He marches to a beat that I just don't hear. He reminds Steve and I of our sisters...not very social, content with one or two friends, happy to be home with family, knows what he wants and doesn't really appreciate your efforts to make him conform, incredibly bright...

I spend a lot of time worrying about that child. Isn't that ridiculous? Just because his personality is so different from mine, I obsess. Good grief. Just seeing it written down makes me remember how silly it all is.

Well, today I read a blog that really touched my heart. It was from a mom that has been there and has the amazing perspective of looking back. I'm attaching the post because I want to always be able to link back to it and remind myself of this perspective.

When I forget, this will remind me...http://lysaterkeurst.com/2012/01/i-dont-want-to-raise-a-good-child/

Looking forward to....

2012-01-29T10:47:00.000-08:00

Today I am looking forward to:

spending a quiet day at home, resting and letting Daddy play with the boys
getting Kate's room just a little bit closer to finished
finishing the X-Men series of movies with the boys, they are so hooked and I'm getting a little tired of the world of mutants
watching the next episode of Downton Abbey tonight with Steve ;-)

This month I am looking forward to:

starting Apologia science with the children
The Vow comes out!!! I am so stoked to see this movie!
Getting a month of freezer meals done so don't have to cook much after Kate arrives
taking the children to see the Mummy Exhibit at the Discovery Place

For the late winter I am looking forward to:

meeting my Olivia Kate!
Luke's birthday - I can't believe my baby will be 7!
recovering from surgery, being pregnant, and being able to roll over in bed without groaning or needing help :-)

Words to Remember

2012-01-28T06:40:00.000-08:00

10 to Remember

2012-01-27T14:35:00.001-08:00

I am very behind in my blog. Since I do it to remember and moments in my family life for my family and myself and not really for "world consumption", my hubby has been harassing me to get caught up. I'm not even doing a baby journal for Kate because I've been keeping up with most things here. Anyway, since I'm behind I thought I would just write up the ten things I most want to remember about this month in our lives.

Here we go:

1. We started homeschooling in January. Why? I did it with Nick for the first half of first grade and I loved it! It was such a revelation to me because I am the girl that always said I would never do it; that it was great for some people but not for us. Hah! God likes to show us His plan isn't always ours. I had been praying about it for quite sometime and as soon as I finished work at the preschool, I knew it was time. Many people homeschool for many reasons. For us, it was about a less hectic lifestyle. A simpler lifestyle. One where we didn't have to run, run, run all the time. There were days when I would only see my children to bathe them, feed them, and put them to bed. I hated how much time they were in school and extracurricular activities and how little interaction I had with them. I always kid with Steve I'm only a few light sockets away from being Amish, in that I LOVE the simple life. Homeschooling is not less busy, but I'm busy in ways that I can embrace and be happy with. I love the shape my children are taking and I love how much of them I get to see. I love how they embrace one another and how Nick can now take guitar lessons and Luke can do gymnastics and Nick can play basketball and we can do AWANA's at church on Wednesday nights if we want. I love teaching and I love watching them learn. I am so happy that God gave me a heart for children, a heart for teaching, and a heart to make my life's work our home. I can't say what the future will bring, but I can say that for this season, this is the right place for us.

2. Kate's name...Her name has evolved this month from Kate Elizabeth, which we moved away from due to Elizabeth being an over-abundant family name, to Katherine Olivia, which we moved away from because Steve and I aren't in love with the name Katherine, to Olivia Kate, and she will be called Kate. Calling her by her middle name is a little weird for me, but Steve loves it and he says I can call her Olivia Kate if I want. He had a list of people that go by their middle names and he is so pleased to be able to say that "he named her". I really can't deny the man anything and it is a beautiful name.

3. Fun with food - this month, thanks to Pinterest, we have been eating well. (Probably explains the weight I've gained...that and the pregnancy and all...) We've been having fun with our foods as well. I made North Pole Pancakes that looked like Rudolph, Angry Birds sandwiches that look like the red bird from the game, plenty of yummy dinner things that even the children have been scarfing up, and let's don't forget the desserts. Sigh. I had to take a minute there to think about dessert. :-)

4. The boys started gymnastics and both are doing great.

5. Nick is rocking it on the basketball court, much to his father's extreme joy and happiness. He is a great guard, handles the ball well, scores lots of baskets, and is fantastic at defense. These are Steve's high points. Mine is that he is over the moon happy on the court and after.

6. Baby Kate seems to be doing great - she is growing well and we have a date scheduled for her delivery. The trick is I have to make it to 39 weeks and 2 days because my weeks turn over on a Saturday. I do not believe we will make it to that point; I never have before but she may fool me. She is measuring a little big, just like her brothers did, and to quote all the doctor's and nurses "She is the happiest baby in the place". This is how they show astonishment at how busy she is. One nurse looked at me and said "let's just hope she sleeps". So far, she is the only one that has spoken my thoughts!

7. Cravings - Sugar! This baby would have me live off sugar. Seriously. I have to be more careful. I eat a toaster strudel for breakfast, banana sandwiches for lunch, and we have breakfast for dinner at least once a week and we always have a dessert. I didn't crave sugar with the boys but I'm telling myself that maybe all this sugar will make her sweet. ;-) In all honestly, I'm trying to cut it back if not all the way out.

8. Science experiments - one of the fun perks of homeschooling is the science experiments we get to do. I try to do one a week. So far this month we have made Ivory soap clouds in the microwave, dancing raisins, and had glow-in-the-dark baths.

9. Field trips! We've been to the Discovery Place, the Reedy Creek Nature Preserve, parks, and are planning a trip to the Raptor Center. All three of my boys had a ball at the Reedy Creek Nature Preserve - we discovered the outside tree house and this cool place where you can try to build a hut out of sticks and a frame they have pre-established. Steve tried to run across the rope bridge, designed for kids but able to hold the weight of a grown man, and got so unbalanced that I almost wet my pants laughing. Nick was very worried that Steve was going to break the whole thing. We have to teach that child to laugh more and worry less.

10. Well, not a happy memory, but I guess I should write it down - I was sent to the hospital twice this month. Dislike. I was having contractions every 2-3 minutes for hours and hours and I had to spend the night on an IV drip and receiving shots of Trebutaline. Not fun. Then they let me go home and I had to go back that night because the contractions came back and wouldn't stop for hours. So, they checked me out and sent me home with a Rx for something to stop them at home so I could quit coming in every time they started up. So far, I'm 33 weeks tomorrow and not on bedrest! A miracle. I have never made it this far without being dilated and on full bedrest so I am thankful for every day I get to be a normal, functioning, 8-month pregnant lady. As normal and functioning as anyone at this point. Except those ladies that run 26 mile marathons while in labor and then deliver 2 hours later. I don't believe that is normal. ;-)

There it is - our month. Crazy, imperfect, full of laughs, tears, and all the things in between. And now recorded so we can remember forever!

20 in 2011

2011-12-31T20:29:00.000-08:00

A recap of our year...

1. What did you do in 2011 that you had never done before?

I moved into the house we have always dreamed of and I conceived a little girl, both things I thought were never going to happen!

2. Did you keep your New Years Resolutions and will you make more?

I don't remember having any from last year so I don't know. I don't have any resolutions that are exclusive to the start of the year. Every day I try to love God a little better, be a better wife, and be a better mother. Those things are never going to stop being important to me.

3. Did anyone close to you have a baby?

My uncle's wife and a friend from church both had babies this year. I'm next! Woo-hoo!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

My grandma Kuni died on June 28th. I still think about her all the time.

5. What places have you visited?

Myrtle Beach, Charleston, Boone, Mt. Gretna, Amish country in PA, Washington DC, Teen Valley Ranch

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

Patience and energy!!!

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched in your memory and why?

June 28th cause my grandma died and July 7th cause we found out that we were expecting a baby. Also, June 23rd because it marked our ten year anniversary.

8. What was your biggest achievement this year?

I don't think I achieved anything. I saw so many blessings and I was able to do so many things through God's grace and mercy. I'm very proud of myself for working 5 days a week while being pregnant. That was a challenge, especially in the early days when I was still getting sick every day. It made me realize that I am stronger than I think sometimes. Plus, Steve and I hit that milestone 10 year mark this year. If this was Hollywood, we'd be celebrating our golden anniversary or something. ;-)

9. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Only from this sweet baby!

10. What was the best thing you bought?

Steve bought me a new wedding set for our ten year anniversary. I didn't buy it, he did, but it is so amazing and beautiful! I love him so much! (even before he bought me the beautiful new rings I would have said that!)

11. Where did most of your money go?

Well, on grown up things like bills and groceries and gas. But the "fun money" that we spent was on travel, as per usual. :-)

12. What song will always remind you of 2011?

Dancing in the Minefields by Andrew Peterson

13. What do you wish you had done more of?

Spent more time in my Bible. With me feeling sick and tired for so long, so many things got away from me. I also wish I had spent more time with my boys but I did my best every day and that is all I can do.

14. What do you wish you had done less of?

Spent less time online and eaten less junk food before I got pregnant. I put on 5 lbs before I got pregnant that I really regret now.

15. What was your favorite TV program?

Modern Family & Friday Night Lights

16. What was the best book you read this year?

Matterhorn! I'm not sure if I read it the first time this year or last, but I LOVE IT!!! Also, The Help was fantastic.

17. What was your favorite movie of the year?

Eh - nothing stands out but I'll go with Breaking Dawn part 1 and The Help. I really liked The Lincoln Lawyer, Rio, and Kung Fu Panda 2 also. We don't get to go to the movies that often.

18. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?

I was sick on my birthday - boo! I woke up with a fever and a terrible head cold. Being pregnant, I couldn't take anything and that was very unpleasant. I had plans, they just didn't work out because I was sick. I turned 32 this year. The next day I left for the beach with one of my very best friends for a girls weekend away. That was so needed and such fun!

19. What national/world event stirred you the most?

The Royal Wedding for sure! I LOVED IT!!! The boys kept waking up, asking "is it time?" At 5 we got up and watched the entire thing. Not having a daughter, I didn't think I'd have someone to share in the magic with me, but they were amazing and watched every bit with me. They did turn their stuffed animals to look at the wall during the kiss on the balcony. :-)

20. Who was the best new person you met?

My assistant in my classroom, Marianne. She is such an amazing, fun, wonderful person. I have been blessed to know her. I am slowly meeting the little person growing inside of me but I'll save her for next year. :-)

Santa came!

2011-12-30T15:01:00.000-08:00

Santa came to visit us again this year! Both boys got exactly what they asked for and a huge stocking full of candy and new electric toothbrushes and toothpaste. Plus, Mommy, Daddy, and multiple family members made sure they were spoiled rotten with lots of fun things.

Note - Nicholas is SO GRATEFUL!!! for every single thing he receives. He only asked for four gifts this year, so Mommy had to do some creative thinking to come up with gift ideas for him. He looked at me on Christmas morning and said "Mommy, you did a great job, I love everything!" Luke is learning to be a little more gracious. ;-)

The boys were up at 6:00. We had the morning to ourselves, then around 1:30 Steve's sister, mom, and dad came to visit. Around 3:30, Emily left and the rest of us played Pictionary on Nicholas's new U-Draw tablet. That was a lot of fun and then at 5:30 my sister and her family came over to celebrate with dinner and gifts. The children are all getting so big! The babies are almost 2 and 3; I cannot even believe it.By 9:00 when the last guest left the house, we were all ready for bed.

It was a long day, but such a wonderful one. I am so grateful for every single day I get to call myself "mother" but especially on a day when we remember the most important birth of all.

Christmas Break

2011-12-29T14:43:00.000-08:00

Luke's contribution to "candy making"

Things are busy over here! I feel like I say that a lot and that most people probably think "things are busy for everyone, you aren't special" but alas...things are busy over here.

With it being the last Christmas before Kate arrives, I had a laundry list of things I wanted to accomplish/experience with my boys. It is also the last extended period of time without school in session before she comes. So, we spent the week leading up to Christmas in a flurry of:

Visiting Gingerbread lane and checking out all the amazing gingerbread houses. I say "houses" in the loosest possible sense because we saw Panthers stadium, Japanese ninja training thingies, snowman repair shops, whole villages, Santa's summer cottage at the beach, Angry Birds platforms, and so many other amazing things. We had a great time meeting up with friends and oohing and aahing over all the details. Our favorite details were the dog that not only peed on a snowman, leaving a big yellow spot, but also ran off with one of his stick arms. (Snowman had on a very grumpy face - can you blame him?) Another favorite was Santa at his beach bungalow, hanging out in the hot tub with a cooler. And my favorite was the gingerbread ninja with his star-weapon thingies.

Visiting Santa of course! We love to go see Santa at Great Wolf Lodge. The boys were so good and put in their requests very politely. Santa kept saying "that is all? just one thing?"

Having long playdates with friends
Baking, candy making, pretzel dipping, gift wrapping, cooking, chopping, decorating, gift making....

Playing board games - Luke is ridiculously good at both Yahtzee and chess, much to Nicholas's dismay. I lose at everything.

Visiting with family. We saw a lot of family this holiday season and it was really nice. Some of our grandparents are getting older and aren't in the best health. This year we made sure to visit with as many relatives as possible and I'm so glad we did.
Trips to the Discovery Place - we have so much fun there and haven't been in a while. It was really nice, even if half of Charlotte had the same idea. :-)
We even worked in a "pajama day" where the boys were allowed to stay in their jammies all day and do anything they wanted, as long as they were kind to each other. It was such a nice way to spend the day!

It is hard for me to believe that school starts back up in just a few days. The time goes so quickly! I wish we could bottle these days and just hold on to them forever.

We 3 Kings

2011-12-19T12:50:00.000-08:00

About two days ago, we were sitting at the table, talking about the Nativity story. Nicholas, for some reason probably linked to his genetic tie to Steve, was inspired to burst into song. He began singing "We 3 Kings". Loudly.

Suddenly, he stopped singing and asked us "Where is Orientare?" I said "What?" He said "You know, in the song...they say "we 3 kings of orientare". Where is that?"

I love how children hear and interpret things! The magic of childhood...

27 Weeks

2011-12-17T13:07:00.000-08:00

How far along: 27 weeks
Size of baby: about 14.5 inches long and weighs about a two pounds
Total weight gain/loss: 15 lbs. It could be a lot worse.
Clothes: Maternity clothes are the only things that fit right now
Gender: Still a girl
What I Miss: This week I miss fruity drinks. And energy. Energy gets way less credit than it deserves.
Cravings: Subway sandwiches with the following: lettuce, spinach, tomatoes, pickles, onions, green peppers, light mayo, oil, and vinegar. The sandwich is enormous! It is like a salad on some bread. So yummy!
Symptoms: ligament pain, tired
Moment to Remember: This week I said good-bye to my Mon/Wed/Fri class at preschool. Something had to give 'cause I am just exhausted and I'm hoping this helps. They are sweet, loving, amazing children and families and I'm so sad to leave them. I'm trying to remember that being a better mom to my boys and the sweet girl growing inside of me makes the loss worth it. Also, this week I felt little miss actually turn and roll under my hands. It was pretty amazing, a little scary, and sort of gross all at the same time. Other fun things from this week in being pregnant: we discovered that Kate will "play" with us. If I lie down on my back while she is awake, she will kick you if you poke her. The boys had a great time with this one night. They would give a poke or two and she would kick them back in the same spot. One day we could actually see her poking something up, sort of big and rounded so I think it was either her head or her bum. Seeing that one little distinct part poking up out of me was pretty great. There really is a person in there!

Better late than never

2011-12-12T17:12:00.001-08:00

the boys on their first limo ride

Thanksgiving 2011

First we celebrated in town with Steve's family

Then we headed off to Mt. Gretna, PA for a week with my aunt, uncle, and cousins. We visited Baltimore, MD, Lancaster, PA (and all the amish country), Washington, DC, and beautiful Mt. Gretna. During the one week we took four plane rides, one 2.5 hour limo ride, we rode on subways, Amtrak trains, buses, and in various cars.

We had one episode of motion sickness resulting in migraine and vomiting, one episode of coughing til we got sick, one tick bite, one allergic reaction skin rash, three calls to the pediatrician, and one Daddy vowing to never travel without his own vehicle again.

Also included in this week was delicious food, fun times with family, Chinese checkers on the gorgeous porch, the adventure of staying in a cabin that is over 120 years old, a trip to Dutch Winter Wonderland, drives through the beautiful Amish countryside, two trips to the movies, the best turkey I've ever eaten, many games of Scattergories with very flexible rules, and countless episodes of Dog Training 101, and only the best Christmas movies. We visited Kettle Kitchen, an Amish owned an operated shopping area where we ate homemade jellies, saw more horse and buggy combos than you would believe, saw the most amazing quilts ever, and ate ice cream made from milk from cows they owned. Also, we visited Wilburs, the greatest chocolate factory on earth. Seriously. And you know I love chocolate.

It was awesome.

In this moment

2011-12-10T18:58:00.001-08:00

In this moment:

The house is quiet. Steve has gone to take the boys friends home and the children are in bed. I can actually hear the hum of the refrigerator.

My feet are throbbing. I did almost 100% of my Christmas shopping today, the weeks grocery shopping, and wrapped all the gifts I bought from a standing position because I can't sit and bend over. Now my poor feet are swollen and hurt.

The stockings are hung by the chimney with care, the mantle is draped with garland, and the tree is up and beautiful. It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

I can feel baby Kate kicking and rolling up a storm. She is actually tickling my ribs on the right side with her sweet little feet. The baby book says she is "pedaling" her feet, which will play a role in her learning to walk someday. When she is in there, bouncing around all I can think of is that song with the line "I knew I loved you before I met you." I don't know if I buy into that applying to your spouse, but I know it applies to your child. I just can't wait to kiss those tiny toes that are causing all the ripples in my tummy right now!

Luke is tucked into bed beside his brother. Snug, safe, happy. Also, turning the pages of a book. I can hear him in the quiet.

Nicholas is sleeping. He is worn out from playing basketball and playing with his friend. He was asleep about as quickly as his head hit the pillow. I hope he isn't getting sick.

I am content. My home is safe and warm, my children are peaceful and happy, and Steve still seems as smitten by me as he was 16 years ago. Today is a happy day.

26 weeks

2011-12-10T18:50:00.000-08:00

How far along: 26 weeks
Size of baby: about 14 inches long and weighs about a two pounds
Total weight gain/loss: I'm scared to look
Clothes: Maternity clothes are the only things that fit right now
Gender: Still a girl
What I Miss: Being able to get out of bed without a struggle, being able to turn over in bed without a struggle, and being able to get down on the floor and then get back up again
Cravings: citrus (i.e. lemonade, pineapple) and subway sandwiches with the following: lettuce, spinach, tomatoes, pickles, onions, green peppers, light mayo, oil, and vinegar. The sandwich is enormous! It is like a salad on some bread. So yummy!
Symptoms: ligament pain, slight swelling, hungry all the time
Moment to Remember: Steve told me to "lighten up" and I looked at him and asked "are you trying to say I'm getting fat?" I was serious. His laughing til he almost couldn't stand did not help.

25 weeks

2011-12-04T20:20:00.000-08:00

How far along: 25 weeks
Size of baby: about 13.5 inches long and weights about a pound and half
Total weight gain/loss: 13 lbs
Clothes: Maternity clothes are the only things that fit right now
Gender: Still a girl
What I Miss: I could use a fruity drink about now :-)
Cravings: Taco dip - weird, right? I don't know why but I have a terrible craving for it. My appetite has finally kicked in and I feel like I'm hungry all the time so I'm trying to eat/snack on healthy things. All this holiday food isn't helping though!
Symptoms: I'm having a lot of round ligament pain on the left side. My left leg just does not want to function properly.
Moment to Remember: Baby is a kicking machine! She is so very active, which I am grateful for, even though when I'm trying to rest it can be a bit tiresome. She can literally kick for an hour or more without stopping. When we went to the Taylor Swift concert it was very loud. Kate either loved it or hated it, but she kicked the entire 3 hours the music was going. She reminds me a lot of Nicholas in utero. He turned out to be a busy baby/toddler, but one of the sweetest, most amazing boys on the planet so I'm hoping it all works out well for her! :-)

23 weeks

2011-11-20T17:53:00.000-08:00

How far along: 23 weeks
Size of baby: about 11.5 inches long and just over a pound - one website said the size of a Harry Potter book. :-)
Total weight gain/loss: 11 lbs
Clothes: Maternity clothes are the only things that fit right now
Gender: Still a girl
What I Miss: I could use a fruity drink about now :-)
Cravings: None - still not a whole lot of appetite. I find that I eat a lot of sandwiches for meals. I have more food aversions that cravings.
Symptoms: My back hurts, I can't really bend at the waist to get things up off the floor, I'm tired, and apparently I waddle.
Moment to Remember: This week I ended up in the hospital getting IV fluids to stop contractions. I got dehydrated from a colitis flare up and ended up having contractions every 3 minutes that wouldn't stop. So, they checked me over and gave me fluids. Just routine stuff while I'm pregnant according to Steve. The only perk was that she was hooked up to the monitor for almost four hours so we got to hear her moving around. I even got to hear her having hiccups!

Right now

2011-11-16T13:28:00.000-08:00

Right now I am working on putting one foot in front of the other. This week is just busy, busy, busy! I had the Family Book Fair at my preschool on Tuesday, we have tickets to see Ms. Taylor Swift tonight, and I am going to see the new Breaking Dawn movie at the 8:00 showing on Thursday. Then the weekend will be filled with frantic packing before we leave for Pennsylvania/DC for one week.

All fun things but still...things. I have to actively engage in all of these activities after working with three year olds for most of the day, doing all my regular mommy work, and trying to be a decent wife to my husband that deserves so much more than he's getting right now.

What I really want to do is curl up in my bed with a boy on each side of me and snuggle my boys while we read books. I want to feel Kate move beneath my hands and bake yummy treats for my family. I want to spend my days reading, making homemade goodies to give as Christmas presents, and get my lovely home in order before the newborn moves in. I want to treasure these weeks of being pregnant for the absolute last time in my life. I want to treasure my time with Nicholas and Luke before I am split in one more direction. I want to have quiet, sweet, snuggly time with my husband before I have another human attached to my body for 24 hours a day.

Now I'm just whining. I'll stop.

The holidays are upon us and we will be focusing on it being a time to celebrate our Savior and to enjoy our family. That is what I want for my family right now.

22 weeks

2011-11-12T08:22:00.000-08:00

Pregnancy Highlights

How Far Along: 22 Weeks
Size of baby: The size of a papaya. Apparently by the end of the week she'll weigh a pound!
Total Weight Gain/Loss: Gained 10 lbs
Maternity Clothes: Maternity pants and maternity tops
Gender: It's a girl! Kate Elizabeth
Movement: she is getting stronger! I feel her kicking all the time.
Sleep: Much better - Just tired all the time
What I miss: Having energy, having an appetite, feeling healthy...
Cravings: Still not much appetite, but I really like orange juice right now.
Symptons: Tired easily, back pain.
Best Moment this week: This week people have started to ask when the baby is due and comment if they didn't know I was expecting. So, I guess I finally look pregnant, even to strangers, which is kind of nice. Especially after someone commented "Oh, now we know you aren't just fat." Aren't people kind? Another moment this week that was kind of fun for me was at the doctor's office. The OB nurse was trying to find her heartbeat and was poking around kind of hard with the probe cause the baby kept wiggling away. One thing we have learned about this baby is that she does not like to be poked and prodded. She gave the nurse a huge kick and we got to hear it over the speaker. It was so loud the nurse jumped! This one may be a little feisty...

21 weeks

2011-11-05T17:10:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 21 Weeks
Size of baby: The size of a banana
Total Weight Gain/Loss: Gained 9 lbs
Maternity Clothes: Maternity pants and maternity tops
Gender: It's a girl! Kate Elizabeth
Movement: she is getting stronger! I feel her kicking all the time.
Sleep: Much better - Just tired all the time
What I miss: Walking normally, I'm starting to have some back pain so I waddle a little already
Cravings: Still not much appetite, but I really like orange juice right now.
Symptons: Tired easily, back pain.
Best Moment this week: watching the book I was reading bump up and down as she kicked it from within

In this moment

2011-11-03T14:59:00.000-07:00

In this moment:

The house is quiet. So quiet I can hear the hum of the refrigerator and the clicking of the keyboard keys.

In this moment, Nicholas is at soccer practice - again! I am so glad Steve loves taking him and I can stay on the couch in my jammy pants and out of the cold air.

In this moment, Luke is upstairs, looking for his Bionicles bucket. He has been watching a Lego club magazine dvd and has been inspired to build and create. We just finished making Origami Yoda, like the book. I have to say - the one Nicholas built looks way better than mine. He has his Daddy's talent and Luke was very happy with the way the one I made for him turned out, so I'm not complaining.

In this moment, Steve is with Nicholas. He will be bringing us dinner on the way home. He takes the boy to soccer and provides dinner. Have I mentioned how much I love that sweet man?

In this moment, baby Kate is alive and well inside of me. Every day I can feel her growing stronger. She is a girl with opinions already. She does not like to be squished. If I roll over too far toward my tummy when I'm lying on my side, she goes a little nuts. She will kick and kick until I move. The other day I was lying on the couch, with a book propped up on my stomach, and suddenly the book started to pop up and down like popcorn. I'm pretty sure she wanted me to move it. But I didn't, because it was so much fun to watch the book jump. Steve got to see but the boys were already in bed and missed out on all the excitement.

In this moment, it does not take much to make me happy. I have been reminded of all the things that really matter and I have learned so much about myself and what is important to me and my family.

In this moment, I am thrilled that Thanksgiving is just around the corner. We are going to PA this year, to Mt. Gretna, to spend the week in a cabin on the mountain. I am hoping for snow. I am so happy to have my husband, children, aunt, uncle, and cousins around me for an entire week. This is a very rare treat. Usually, they come to Charlotte to visit and I have to share them with the whole family. Plus, I won't be home to clean house! Hah! Now, that is vacation! Plus, we are thinking we will take the boys to Washington, DC for the day while we are there. We fly into Baltimore and it is only a 30 minute train ride to DC from our hotel. I think it would be such a shame to miss out on the experience when we are so close. Plus, when Kate gets here, it will be harder to do day trips into DC. We are going to take advantage.

In this moment, I know how blessed I am and I am so thankful for a God that loves me so much. Every dream I ever had has come true. I am so grateful.

20 Weeks

2011-11-03T14:50:00.000-07:00

I'm way behind...here's catching up!

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 20 Weeks
Size of baby: The size of a banana
Total Weight Gain/Loss: Gained 9 lbs
Maternity Clothes: Maternity pants and some maternity tops
Gender: It's a girl! Kate Elizabeth
Movement: she is getting stronger! I feel her kicking all the time.
Sleep: Much better! Just tired all the time
What I miss: Feeling healthy and energetic
Cravings: None, really don't have much appetite for big meals. Kate is coming up into my stomach instead of growing out.
Symptons: Tired easily
Best Moment this week: Eh - realizing that I haven't worn my sea bands for nausea in about a week or two

19 weeks

2011-10-22T05:08:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy Highlights

How Far Along: 19 Weeks
Size of baby: The size of a mango
Total Weight Gain/Loss: Gained 8 lbs
Maternity Clothes: Maternity pants and some maternity tops
Gender: It's a girl! Kate Elizabeth
Movement: lots of little bumps
Sleep: Much better! Just tired all the time
What I miss: Feeling healthy and energetic
Cravings: None, really don't have much appetite for big meals. Kate is coming up into my stomach instead of growing out.
Symptons: Tired easily
Best Moment this week: Feeling her moving at least a few times each day. It is so reassuring to know she is okay in there.

In this moment

2011-10-19T18:38:00.000-07:00

In this moment...

I am in bed. The bed I've been in since 5:00 this afternoon. It was 3:00 before I came in from work, too late for a nap, and I am knackered.

I am fighting a head cold. A nasty one that won't leave me alone. My eyes burn, my throat hurts, I'm queasy from congestion, and I feel like I've got a fever.

Luke is lying in bed beside me. There is no place on earth I'd rather him be. He brought a book, crawled in with me and said "I'm going to hang out with Mommy." Then that precious boy read for a while, rolled over and went to sleep. Love him so much.

Nicholas is in his bed, supposedly sleeping, but probably reading. I made a trip to the library yesterday so his book supply has been refreshed. We may not see him again until next Tuesday.

Steve is downstairs, probably exhausted after working full time and being Mr. Mom today. I forgot Luke had to go to his grandpa's office after school to interview him and take pictures for a big project. Poor Steve remembered and took him, then got the children dinner on the way home. He also sat in the carpool line, cleaned up whatever mess was generated today in this empty house, and did full on parenting duty single-handedly. Oh, how I love Steve. I would marry him every day of my life if I had the chance.

I am reading a book called Breaking the Rules by Suzanne Brockmann. I have to tell you, I really loved her series of books when they first started out. I've been reading them for about 10 years or so. Then her son came out of the closet with an alternative lifestyle and her books changed. It stopped being heterosexual romance and started being very unpredictable. The one thing you could count on was a political message about gay tolerance. I just wanted to read about the fictional Navy Seal team and the characters she dreamed up to go with it. I didn't want politics with my guilty pleasure books. Eventually, I quit reading her books but I stumbled on this one at the library and was pleased to see it was about a character I really liked. Now, I'm remembering why I quit reading the books. I don't want politics with my fluff, thank you very much.

In this moment, I am tired of being pregnant. That sounds ungrateful doesn't it? I am so excited about Kate, I'm just tired of being tired and sick. I'm tired of worrying. I'm worried about the future. I feel like I'm in limbo and I haven't had energy or felt like myself since June.

In this moment, I am mostly just tired.

18 weeks

2011-10-16T16:57:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy Highlights:
How Far Along: 18 Weeks
Size of baby: The size of a sweet potato
Total Weight Gain/Loss: Gained 7 lbs
Maternity Clothes: Maternity pants and regular shirts. I'm wearing lots of dresses this week because they are just so much more comfy.
Gender: GIRL!!!
Movement: lots of little bumps
Sleep: Much better! Just tired all the time
What I miss: Feeling healthy and energetic
Cravings: Nothing - maybe water? I've been really thirsty.
Symptons: Eh, the nausea comes and goes, tired, stomach aches
Best Moment this week: The boys and Steve all got to feel the baby kick. It was just little fish bumps but they were able to feel. That was very exciting for them, especially Luke. He has been waiting months for this moment. I can't wait til she really kicks him!

SCORE!!!

2011-10-08T17:11:00.000-07:00

Today Nicholas got to have his first soccer game of the season with his new team. So, Steve, Luke, Nana, Poppol and I all went out to cheer him on. He was so excited, but a tad nervous. He should not have worried because he played so well! They had two games back to back. During the first game, he played defense for the majority of the game and he did a great job. Their team won 12-0.

Then for the second game, the competition was a little tougher. They were tied 1-1 until my baby came out with the winning goal! SCORE!!! They went on to win 2-1. The entire team just burst into cheers for him. Not only was it his first game, but he scored! Unfortunately, Steve and I were too busy cheering for him to stop and snap a photo of his first goal. Sometimes, it is more important to celebrate in the moment.
They are all such a great, supportive, fun group. He is getting the best coaching he has ever had and he is having the time of his life playing. Which as a mom is so much more important than scoring goals. Steve and I just want him to be happy. I'm so glad that he is.
PS - What was Luke doing during all this excitement? Playing with his Lego cars in the grass and eating snacks. What else should a brother be doing during 2 1/2 hours of soccer games?

Here is a photo from a couple of weeks ago when they played in the half time tournament at the UNCC vs. Campbell game. Nicholas is the one in the middle with his foot on the ball. He is so happy and excited in this picture. They had over 3000 fans out that night. He really is having the best time!

In this moment

2011-10-07T00:00:00.000-07:00

In this moment...

Nicholas is off to soccer practice for the second time this week. Steve is there, waiting on me to come and switch out parent duty so he can head off to Bible study.

Luke is taking his 30 minutes of screen time to watch an episode of Beyblades on Netflix. He is anxiously showing me excellent behavior in an attempt to earn back video game privileges after a 4 week absence.

I am sitting among no less than six piles of folded laundry, listening to the dryer prepare the next load for my folding pleasure. I'm also waiting on a laundry fairy to come and put away all these lovely folded piles.

Tonight X-Factor comes on. I am irrationally pleased about this.

I get to have my medical ultrasound in the morning and see baby Kate on television. I am fervently praying that she is still Kate and has not grown into an Andrew in the past two weeks. Her first smocked dresses came in the mail today. They are so amazingly sweet and I just can't believe that some day I'll have a little girl to put in them.

One of my preschoolers asked me yesterday if my baby was naked. I said "well, yes she is. All babies are." Her reply? "Yeah, I was naked in my mommy too. But now I'm starting to grow half boobies. Ms. Marianne, are you going to grow your whole boobies?" I laugh as I remember this. That girl is too funny for words. She makes me laugh. Preschoolers are awesome. Even when they are not.

Perspective

2011-10-06T14:46:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I lose perspective. Sometimes occurs more often than "sometimes" when I'm pregnant.

At times, I view little things - like my husband's failure to bring home a subway sandwich for me when he had one for himself as a major betrayal. In hindsight, this seems a little extreme. After all, we are talking about a turkey sandwich, not a violation of our marriage vows. But I'm pregnant. And hungry. And by golly, I wanted that sandwich. (I'm not saying it's rational, it just is.)

Perspective.

Many of my friends have babies and toddlers. I am listening to their stories and their trials and a part of me just wants to sigh and say "wait til they get bigger and you have to deal with things you can't control." Like school and friends from other religions and media influences. A baby that slaps her mama over a snack just doesn't seem that complicated. Kind of the way my friends that have teenagers look at me when I start in about my problems with my boys. They are dealing with sexual urges and behaviors, exposure to drugs and alcohol, fighting in schools, opposition at home, and a million other things I know nothing about - thank goodness!

Again...Perspective.

I'm hoping to look back when Kate gets here and remember this. When I'm sleep deprived or she's throwing tantrums or the days seem impossibly long and hard, I want to not feel so overwhelmed. That is how I felt with the boys a lot of the time - overwhelmed. I failed to enjoy a lot of moments because I was trying to survive them. I've stopped a lot of that. At some point, I started to realize that all things are a phase. I worried so much and so far, my boys are pretty awesome, amazing, wonderful boys. Is everything perfect? No. But perfect is boring.

So, with perspective, I'm hoping that for Kate the lesson has been learned. To enjoy more and worry less. That it is all going to be okay and it will all go way too fast. The hard days won't last and they make the good moments that much sweeter.

They say 3rd time is the charm. Here's hoping!

16 Weeks

2011-09-30T18:53:00.000-07:00

Don't you just love this little dress? Handmade smocked dress for the bargain price of $150! Steve broke out in a sweat when I showed it to him!

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 16 Weeks

Size of baby: The size of an avacado

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Gained 5 lbs

Maternity Clothes: Maternity pants and regular shirts. I'm wearing lots of dresses this week because they are just so much more comfy.

Gender: GIRL!!!

Movement: some wiggles and squirms

Sleep: Much better! Just tired all the time

What I miss: Feeling healthy and energetic

Cravings: McDonalds vanilla ice cream cones and fruit

Symptons: Eh, the nausea comes and goes, tired, stomach aches

Best Moment this week: ? I guess the fact that my tummy is starting to pop out and I'm looking slightly less chubby and more pregnant. Maybe it is looking at all those gorgeous smocked dresses on ebay. Girl clothes are pretty stinkin' cute!

Kate Elizabeth - Coming soon!

2011-09-26T14:08:00.001-07:00

We had some friends ask to see the ultrasound photos of our little one. I think some of these pictures look kind of like melted wax, but the actual video is pretty amazing. We get to see her really moving around, playing and napping, and it is pretty amazing.

So, here are our first pictures of our little girl. Her name is Kate Elizabeth and we can't wait to hold her!

Thinking Pink

2011-09-24T05:26:00.000-07:00

I am actually speechless.

Do you believe that? I didn't think so.

Steve and I took the boys for an optional 3D/4D ultrasound to get a peek at the baby. We didn't really tell anyone we were going because we thought it might invite people to share their opinions about having them vs. not having them. To be honest, we almost didn't have it because it is a splurge, not a necessity, until a friend pointed out "This is your last baby. Do everything you want to do because you don't get another chance."

Well said. The ultrasound debate was over and it was on!

A piece of me, a very tiny piece, questioned "Do I really want to know? Am I really ready to give up the dream of either?" and the much larger, louder piece said "ABSOLUTELY!!" So, I listened to the loud one. She usually wins.

Now, I have been abundantly clear that I was not pulling for either gender with this baby. Steve was hoping for a girl, the children were hoping for a boy, and every person on the planet seemed to want us to have a girl. I honestly did not care. I just wanted a child. However, there is no convincing me that this child is anything but a boy.

Steve and I have had many conversations where he calls the baby "she" and I say "you better get used to it, this is a boy". One of us had to be right. I say it's me.

I spent a lot of time the night before the ultrasound praying. Praying for a healthy baby, praying that Steve would not be terribly disappointed by a boy, praying that people would be kind when they heard that it was another boy.... You get the idea.

So, we go in for the ultrasound and it was amazing to see the baby in 3D! The details are amazing. About 3 or 4 minutes in, she goes to check the gender. Steve and I are chatting about something with the baby and not really paying attention. We don't notice anything on the screen. That should have been a clue. Suddenly, she says "You need to stop calling this little girl a boy, she isn't going to appreciate that."

I almost fell off the table. Could you say that again please?

And she said it...the words I honestly never thought I would hear. "It's a GIRL!!!"

Well, I wish I could say I cried or laughed with joy. What I did was lie there in shock while Steve grinned and did the laughing with joy bit. Then I politely requested that she check again, about 25 more times in the course of the 45 minute visit.

After many conversations about missing penis's and the possibility that "it just hasn't grown yet" and the obvious girl parts that were present, I guess I finally believe it. (Well, also after coming home to compare the boys ultrasound photos with this one, but that is it.)

We are having a daughter. My life will get to include ballet slippers and tutus, tea parties, a daddy's girl, baby dolls, hair bows, tights, mary janes and smocked dresses, and a multitude of teenage things I don't even want to think about.

I am overwhelmed. With the responsibility, with the blessing, and with love. The Taylor Swift song "Enchanted" keeps running through my head. Today, I was enchanted to meet her. I can't wait to do it for real. At some point it ran through my head "God gave me the exact family I dreamed of - 2 boys and a girl.

The more important thing running through my head is the scripture "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" Psalm 37:4.

I say it a lot and I'll say it again...I am so blessed.

15 weeks

2011-09-24T04:00:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 15 Weeks

Size of baby: The size of a naval orange

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Gained 4 lbs

Maternity Clothes: Maternity pants and regular shirts

Gender: Just found out - keeping it a secret for right this minute

Movement: some wiggles and squirms

Sleep: Much better! Just tired all the time

What I miss: Feeling healthy and energetic

Cravings: None, really no appetite at all this week. I actually lost 2 lbs.

Symptons: Eh, the nausea comes and goes, tired, stomach aches

Best Moment this week: Finding out what baby is and seeing the baby in 3D ultrasound! :-)

Little Boys

2011-09-20T15:28:00.001-07:00

They say that little boys are made of "snakes, snails, and puppy dogs tails". While I'm not sure that I totally agree with the sentiment, I do have to say that there are things I thought I knew about little boys before I became a mother of two that were totally incorrect. Many things I never even suspected.

Little boys can play with Nerf guns for hours, days on end. They can turn anything into a "hunting event". It may be their Legos, other action figures, and it may be things in the backyard only they can see. However, they can put their whole imaginations and all their energy into this for hours.

Little boys can destroy the following things in less than five minutes: a box of candy, a pantry full of snacks, a clean living room/kitchen/playroom/bedroom, a clean face, new shoes, clean clothing, and a freshly baked cake meant to take to a Sunday School party. This list is by no means comprehensive.

Little boys really don't mind when their hair looks crazy, being in pajamas in public, if their clothes don't match, if they have ice cream spread from chin to eyebrow, if the piece of candy in the candy box is from Christmas and it is July, if they use their shirt like a napkin and walk around looking dirty, if their feet stink to high Heaven....

Little boys love with big hearts and tender thoughts. They say things like "I love you, Mommy", "You are my best friend", "I think you are beautiful", "No, you don't look fat", and "Mommy is the queen!" (This last one usually under the duress of tickle torture.)

Little boys bring you flowers. They pick them from the yard, they make them at school, they draw them, they create them out of toilet paper rolls and egg cartons. The flowers come in many colors, shapes, and forms but they come.

Little boys don't really want you to play "action figures" with them. You will probably just do it wrong. What they want is for you to hold the guy, slam it into the other guy, and make sound effects. That is all. No suggestions about "being friends" or "saving the day together" are necessary or desired.

We find out this weekend if our baby is a boy or a girl. There are a lot of emotions surrounding this. One part of me would love a daughter and all that entails. But there is another part of me, a very spoiled part of me, that loves my boys so very much that I can't help but want another boy.

I am so glad it isn't up to me.

So it begins

2011-09-19T17:21:00.000-07:00

life is a wild ride right now

Well...it has started. I am one of those lovely girls that plumps up so very nicely when I get pregnant. I go from violently ill to plumpy in the blink of an eye. Thank God that the violently ill part seems to have passed, however, plumpy has arrived.

What is a pregnant woman to do?

Here is what I am going to do (attempt to do)....I am going to just go with it. The reality is that the weight comes off. It isn't here forever and all my cute clothes from Banana Republic and Ann Taylor will be here waiting for me. It takes 9 months to put it on, about the same time to take it off and in the meantime I will have the most amazing little bundle of joy to distract me.

That is what I'm telling myself. I'm also telling myself to stay the heck away from the bathroom scale and to close my eyes really, really tightly when the doctor weighs me.

I'm actually not even eating that much. I'm just one of those lucky girls that gains weight when I eat more than 1000 calories a day. And that is when I'm not pregnant. I'd love to see a healthy pregnant woman survive on 1000 calories a day. My doctor would kill me if I tried.

So...when you see me please don't say anything along the lines of "She's little like you, but thin" or "you're just big boned." You have no idea how many times I hear the first one. Really, people?

In the meantime, the boys are keeping me hopping! Nicholas is playing on a competitive soccer team this year and he practices 3 nights each week and has two games every Saturday. I guess we better learn to love soccer. He has even given up basketball this season in order to play soccer. Steve finds this bittersweet. He is so happy Nicholas has found a sport he really loves, but bummed that right now that sport is not basketball. Nicholas looked at me tonight and said "You know, I always thought it would just be you, dad, me, and Luke." I told him that if he wasn't such an amazing boy, I wouldn't want to have anymore children. Instead, he makes me so happy that I want another dozen just like him. It is hard to tell what his true feelings are about the impending arrival. He is so sensitive and so caring, especially where I am concerned. That child is a mama's boy all the way through. :-)

Luke is doing great. He has turned into a little adventurer. He wants to be outside ALL THE TIME!!! The fall weather is great for that and we encourage as much of it as possible. The trick is keeping the boy from killing himself. He likes to ride his bike as fast as possible, climb the highest trees/balance beams/monkey bars/whatever, and drive the four wheeler down the middle of the street. He scares me at least once every thirty minutes. I won't even get into his "awesome" bug collection and how that thing gives me nightmares. Or the power tools his Poppol lets him use at his house. Sheesh.

14 down, 25 to go

2011-09-17T08:01:00.000-07:00

Remembering the payoff for all this hard work - Luke at only 2 days old!

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 14 Weeks

Size of baby: The size of a lemon

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Gained 4 lbs

Maternity Clothes: Maternity pants and regular shirts

Gender: 2 weeks and 6 days til we find out!!!

Movement: Lots of wiggling! :-)

Sleep: Not great - I'm waking up very early and having trouble going back to sleep

What I miss: Fruity drinks

Cravings: Chocolate milk and frozen snickers bars - thanks to my sweet friend!

Symptons: Eh, the nausea comes and goes

Best Moment this week: Poking around my tummy early one morning and feeling the baby respond by moving away from my probing fingers. He/she does not like to be bothered! Sounds like Luke to me....

Days Like This

2011-09-14T15:16:00.000-07:00

Today I am tired. I woke up at 3 am and could not go back to sleep to save my life. I tried everything: counting sheep, counting backwards, yoga breathing, yoga relaxation tricks, drinks of water, getting one of the children in bed with me to snuggle, etc. Nothing worked. Now, pretty much everyone that reads this blog knows me and they know that sleep is essential to my "good nature". It is one thing I fear about having a newborn. In our house, the expression is "If mama ain't sleeping, ain't nobody happy." Sad, but true.

Finally, I fell back asleep after five, only to oversleep til 7:20. Well, then I was awakened by Luke, the child I put in my bed, kicking me in the face. Nice wake up. Just as well, cause then Steve bursts in, shouting "Luke doesn't have any clean PE shirts! Don't you ever do laundry?" Nice. As a matter of fact, I do the laundry. However, this time, Luke spent the night at his grandparents and left wearing one of his two PE shirts. It never came out of his overnight bag, so it did not get washed. The first one was still dirty from Monday and the three new shirts I ordered for this year are so big that they are absurd and can't be worn. (Until he's 12 or something. Seriously, a small should not fit a baby rhino.) So, I stumble from bed, sleep deprived, kicked in the head, bleary eyed and growing a human to hand wash a shirt for my child. So that I can then get a shower and get ready to go teach preschool for five hours.

Fifteen three year olds. 9 boys. The first real, full, week of preschool. 90% have never attended preschool before. Most have never really left their mommies before. Need I say more? I love them to bits, but right now is not the time to be sleep deprived. I need my A-game every day. They are sweet, fun, energetic, and you better stay on your toes.

Tired. I say that a lot don't I?

Some days are hard. I try to remember that these are little things, small trivial things that don't really matter. Right now I feel like I can't do a very good job at anything. My parenting is a little lax, my laundry apparently isn't up to the house standard, and I stay nauseated and tired. Daily I remind myself that Speck is an answer to prayer. That God is faithful and will never leave me. But today, I am holding tight to the scripture that says "Come to me all who are weary and burdened" (Matt 11:28). Boy, I know my burdens are small, but right now they make me tired. (That word again!) I am so glad that God knew there would be days like this.

13 weeks!

2011-09-10T04:53:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 13 Weeks

Size of baby: The size of a peach

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Gained 4 lbs

Maternity Clothes: Wore maternity jeans for the first time this week with regular shirts that are long enough to hide the maternity pouch. It is getting to be very difficult to find things to wear. I'm in that awkward, in-between stage.

Gender: Dying to know!

Movement: Eh, a couple of squiggles in my lower tummy but I'm still not certain that it was baby

Sleep: Not great - I'm waking up very early and having trouble going back to sleep

What I miss: Feeling normal

Cravings: Flavored drinks, bananas

Symptons: I'm still queasy most days but I haven't actually gotten sick in three weeks!

Best Moment this week: Putting on those maternity pants - it was bliss not to be squished!

Feeling the pull...

2011-09-09T02:59:00.001-07:00

Have you ever had God pulling on your heart about something and you just want to say no? Not just say "no" but run screaming in the other direction, crying that you are just fine where you are, thank you very much?

That is how I feel about something right now. God is pulling my heart in a direction I don't want to go. I am in a "comfort" zone and I like it here. The fact that I am not supposed to be in this particular "comfort" zone any longer is making me a little bit crazy.

I obeyed God for a while this summer and I saw the fruit of that choice. It was pretty sweet. Then I thought....you know, the other thing really is an okay thing too. So, we went back to what was familiar and now I am seeing the fruit of that choice. The fruit here is bitter. I know better, I really do, but changes are hard. Stability and familiarity are so important to me. But at what cost?

So, I am going to pray and trust God. I have never seen Him punish obedience and I am going to cling to that. Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." I am holding fast to this scripture as I try to embrace the change that God has for not just me, but my whole family.

One Word

2011-09-05T15:00:00.000-07:00

In One Word...

Yourself: Grateful
Your husband: Kind
Your hair: Desperate
Your Mother: Distracted
Your Father: Distant
Your Favorite Item: Bible
Your Favorite Drink: Gatorade
Your Dream Car: Quest
Your Dream Home: Happy
The Room You Are In: Family
Your fear: Cancer
Where you Want to be in Ten Years? Blessed
Who you hung out with last night: Friends
What You’re Not: Placid
One of Your Wish List Items: Family
Time: Fall
The Last Thing You Did: Nap
What You Are Wearing: Dress
Your favorite weather: Mild
Your Favorite Book: Pat Conroy
Last thing you ate: Blueberry bread
Your Life: Blessed
Your mood: Queasy
Your Best Friends: Tiff-and-April
Your car: Maxima
Your summer: Puky
Relationship status: Very-happily-married
What is on your TV: VMA's
When is the last time you laughed: church

My loves....

2011-09-04T14:44:00.000-07:00

What I'm loving right now...

Little speck is now the size of a plum! Wow...next up is a peach....
Being done with the first trimester! woot-woot!
Adele's cd 21. All of it. On repeat. All day long. You think the 3's are too young? (I kid, I kid!)
Nicholas bringing me his stuffed wolf, Humphrey, so I have someone to be with me when I'm sick and sad.
Luke making friends and being happy at school.
Steve waiting on my beck and call. (I know it won't last, but hey, right now, I'm totally digging it.) (In my defense, I am growing his child.)
Peaches, peaches, peaches....
Bananas
Still fitting into one pair of size four jeans. They are the ones that button low, under my tummy, but still....
Hearing Speck's heartbeat at the doctor this week...168 bpm. Girl? An old wives tale but we'll see...
Not throwing up for two weeks
Scheduling my ultrasound - October 7th!
Psalms - all of them. What a comfort.

Things I don't love right now...

Open mouth, insert foot. I haven't spoken for two months, now I keep doing this. oops.
Waking up at 5 am to worry about everything. (I pray and leave it with God. Then I pick it back up. Sigh.)
Facebook
Heat
Pizza, salad, raw chicken, hot dogs
Smelly stuff - like a certain boys spitty thumb or the way one boy keeps picking his nose or maybe stinky feet or morning breath on anyone in this house...all just in theory of course. :-)
Kim Kardashian - why do we care?

First and Third

2011-08-30T16:47:00.000-07:00

Here are my boys on the first day of school this year....May all their days be sunny and bright!

Quick facts about Luke starting 1st grade:

Favorite food - ice cream
Favorite color - green
Best friend - Jared
Favorite movie - Star Wars movies
Favorite book - Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Favorite toy - Star Wars action figures and Legos
Favorite animal - bald eagle

Quick facts about Nicholas starting 3rd grade:

Favorite food - stuffed crust pizza with extra cheese
Favorite color - blue
Best friend - Ethan and Yousef
Favorite movie - Star Wars Attack of the Clones
Favorite book - Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Holes
Favorite toy - Legos
Favorite animal - wolf

When a speck is not a speck...

2011-08-23T18:35:00.000-07:00

Our baby has been lovingly referred to as "Speck" since we found out I was pregnant. With this baby, I was having some "issues" so I was at the doctor early on and had a positive test at 3 weeks and 4 days. That is about as early as you can possibly tell. We began to refer to the baby as "speck" because it truly was just a tiny speck. Luke kept asking when he could feel the baby and that made it a little more understandable to him.

Anyway....I am almost 11 weeks! So, now little "speck" isn't a speck anymore. Speck is now the size of a lime! Can you believe that? A lime.... Even though this is my third baby, it is still all a miracle to me. How anyone can go through this and doubt that there is a Creator is beyond me.

So....little speck is the size of a lime, is almost totally formed (right down to developing tooth buds under his/her gums!), has hiccups, and is swimming around inside of me. The boys saw a photo and said "It looks like a baby!" I think they were a little fascinated with the alien photos or the ones that looked like shrimp. (They creeped me out though.)

Mommy is....bleh. Still not great. Lots of queasy feeling, lots of upset stomachs, lots of nausea and vomiting, lots of being tired. Although it has been a full 7 days since I last threw up. Progress? I guess. Mostly, I am tired and sad. I've been feeling bad since conception (hence, the trip to the dr.) and I am really ready to feel better. It is like a stomach flu that doesn't end. I'm starting to get a little depressed. I know this is true because I barely speak 200 words a day. I know, right? My poor boys....my poor husband....they don't know what to do without me running around, talking their heads off. Standing up too fast makes me dizzy so I'm praying the fainting doesn't start. And while I haven't really gained any weight YET...I know it is coming. The "thickening" has already started. My pants don't fit but it is way too soon for maternity clothes. I had a pair of size 6 jeans from the gap stored in my closet from when Luke was a baby and I've been wearing those everywhere. (Of course, tonight we had to go to Wal-mart because Target didn't have some school stuff I needed and Steve pointed out I'd blend in just fine if I wanted to wear my jammy pants there.)

So, basically I am ready to be done with this first trimester. It has been long and hard and has made me pay for every day I yearned and cried for a baby. If I felt more "pregnant" I think it would be easier to handle. Once the baby is moving and kicking and I know the gender, those are all tangible things to focus on. Right now I just feel terrible and I am ready for that to pass.

Meanwhile, we found the funniest thing ever and I wanted to share....Gotta get my laughs where I can these days!

Source: stumbleupon.com via Brandy on Pinterest

Boys will be boys....

2011-08-21T17:06:00.000-07:00

Today we were driving home from picking up soccer supplies for the upcoming season when we hear Nicholas chime in from the backseat....

Nick - "My armpits smell like cheese."

Me - "Gross. Steve, is he old enough to need deodorant?"

Steve - "I don't know."

Nick - "I don't need deodorant. I like the smell of cheese."

Later, I commented to Steve....

Me - "I just feel like I'm getting fat."

Luke - "You aren't getting fat! Well, you kinda are getting fat but it's cause your pregnant."

Me - "Thanks, Luke."

Nice. Gotta love boys!

Mommy Guilt

2011-08-18T18:44:00.000-07:00

Mommy guilt...I get it. It comes as naturally to me as breathing, reading, sleeping, and snacking on sugar treats at inappropriate times. It should be all capitals for me - it hits that hard. MOMMY GUILT.

Do you know what I'm talking about? Please tell me I'm not the only one.

I had a vision for this summer...sunny days by the pool, with a picnic lunch. Home for some quiet time with books or (my least favorite) video games, maybe a nap. Long walks after dinner, trips to the park, afternoons spent baking or visiting with family and friends.....Visions that danced like sugarplums in my head.

Let me tell you what happened. We went to the beach. Awesome good time. We had one truly excellent regular week, the exact image of what is described above. My grandma died. BAM! Vision shattered. Suddenly, I'm vomiting and queasy and tired and just don't feel good. BAM! Baby on the way. Vision blown to smithereens.

So, here is what the days look like lately. Daddy makes breakfast while Mommy tries not to die. Children play Wii. Mommy may or may not crawl downstairs to lie on couch, trying not to get sick. Mommy may just stay in bed, making runs to the bathroom my only exercise. Children play Wii. Daddy feeds children lunch. Mommy sleeps, waking when they cry from fighting or need of conflict resolution or whatever but unable to get the energy to help. Daddy feeds children dinner. Mommy tries not to die from smells. Daddy puts children to bed after taking to the park, pool, movie, something to get them out of the house. Mommy tries not to be sick and then goes back to sleep.

You are jealous, aren't you?

My poor boys. This week, well Wednesday and Thursday, have been much better. After an episode I'll not share with anyone but God and Steve, the Dr. put me on some new medication. Wednesday we made it to the park and grocery store and to see my uncle with his new daughter. Yep, we sure did. And we went out to dinner. Then today we went to the library, got much needed haircuts for school, I made lunch and then we went to the pool. And after we got home from the pool, I cooked dinner. Yep, I did. To quote Nicholas it was "a new record!"

The reality is this: Steve can do it. He can function to serve meals and drive to the park. But, he is not me. He is not Mommy. He doesn't know that Luke won't touch turkey and Nicholas hates ham and only likes turkey with salt and pepper. He never cuts off the crusts and thinks fried apple pies is a perfectly acceptable breakfast. (The worst part being he gave two pieces to Nick and none to Luke! Rookie mistake...) He hasn't spent the last 9 years, 100% dedicated to serving these boys and showering them with love and making sure every need they have is met before they know they have it. He is Daddy and he is awesome, but he is not Mommy. And I am so glad our Creator designed this to be a two man job, because he meets a million needs that I cannot, but the same is said about me.

Folks, this trimester has two weeks left. I'm on a new prescription and feeling much better. Now maybe the last 6 days I have of this summer can be saved and I can treasure my boys. Please Lord, let the end be in sight.

Visions of summer days are dancing in my head....

Not Me

2011-08-17T10:21:00.000-07:00

that girl feeding her kids chocolate chip cookies as a snack before dinner - not me :-)

let my children sleep in my bed as much as they want as long as they want? not me...

teach my child to play to win at board games, sports, anything competitive? not me....

buy the worlds most delicious pumpkin pie, unwrap it, cover with foil and pass it off as homemade at a family party? not me....

wake up a sleeping baby, just so I can hold it? not me...

know all the words to more west coast rap (crap) albums from the 90's than any southern girl really should? not me...

also know all the words to every Bon Jovi or Taylor Swift or Aerosmith song on the planet? not me....

love pro basketball and pro football but hate college ball? not me....

hide chocolate bars in secret stashes around the house so the children can't find them? not me...

listen to people give their opinions of things to me without ever speaking a word of my own real mind? not me....

refuse to defend myself to a group of girls that were supposed to be my friends, in spite of the big mouth of one girl that decided she was angry with me? not me...

cry at the Justin Bieber movie? not me....

rather go without eating than have to get up and exercise? not me....

look back and think "what might have been?" not me....

The reality is that we are all imperfect. We are all just trying to do our best to get by. Sometimes that means we make poor choices, take the path of least resistance, or give in to people when we should not.

At the end of the day, I would rather have an imperfect life full of imperfect people that love me than a "perfect" life that isn't real. I'll take truth over fiction any day.

August Blues

2011-08-15T19:48:00.000-07:00

When the August blues hit, I always try to think of five things I am so happy about. Here are my top five right now:

Our home - I just love it so much. I'm looking forward to cooler weather so we can enjoy the yard more.
Pat Conroy's awesome books
The Band of Brothers series
Listening to Nicholas and Luke build with legos or play with legos or chase each other around the yard in good fun, playing, laughing, happy to be brothers and best friends.
My super hot shower. Seriously. The water is so hot you could blister. Bliss!

"I will give thanks to the Lord with all my heart, I will tell of His wonders" ~ Psalm 9:1

If I know Luke

2011-08-14T19:40:00.000-07:00

If I know Luke:

If there is a logical solution to a problem, he will find it.
If it can be built out of Legos, he can build it.
If you are playing a game requiring math abilities, he will beat you. Badly. Especially if it involves angles (angry birds anyone?)
If you are a stranger, he will not say hello. He has an incredible sense of Stranger Danger.
If he gives you attention or lets you into his "circle", you will feel like you won the lottery. That child only gives himself to a select few. He's like a cat. ;-)
If his brother needs help, he will give it without question.
If he has a new toy, he will share right away.
If it is a book, you will have to bribe him to read it. Unless it is a comic or the How to Train Your Dragon series.
If he lets you see him cry, his heart is truly broken.
If he is winning at a competitive game, there will be trash talking. (ah, my boy! sorry - it is all in good fun...not everything we teach our children is good.)
If he can get away with being carried, he will totally take advantage of it.
If he is negotiating with Steve, he is leaving with the whatever he came for. ;-)
If he has been naughty, time out will do exceedingly, excessively well as discipline. A firm word is usually enough to break that little heart.
If he is worried, we may never know about it. That is one private little boy.
If my heart needs a lift, he is always available for hugs, kisses, and a nibble on those cute, dimpled cheeks!

For the record

2011-08-13T18:10:00.000-07:00

There is something I would like to get off my chest. With the baby on the way, we are getting a lot of well-wishes from friends and family. We love all these little comments of support and love. Our family and friends are so important to us and we love them all very much. For whatever reason, a lot of the comments seem to be centered around the gender of the baby. No one is very surprised we are expecting (apparently, you all saw this coming) but everyone seems obsessed with the idea of this baby wearing pink.

With that said...I think it is important to have it on record that as much as everyone wants this baby to be a little girl, we are okay with another boy. Let me clarify, not just okay, over the moon, thrilled, totally in love with the idea of another son. My boys are the greatest gift of my life. Steve and I believe with all of our hearts that God builds and designs our family for us. We trust Him 100% to give us the child we are meant to raise. And if that child wears hair bows and bloomers, great. And if not, that is just as amazing.

That isn't to say we wouldn't love a daughter. I'd love to see Steve with a Daddy's girl, cause y'all know that is what she would be. I would love to have dance classes and tutus to round out the cleats and gym shorts. But no matter what, I am just so honored and thrilled with the opportunity to be called "mother" one more time. There is nothing in the world like it, no matter what color the child is wearing.

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward." ~Psalm 127:3

Possession

2011-08-05T14:21:00.000-07:00

A favorite passage of mine - as a mother who dreads the passing of each day as one less day with my beloved boys....

"What is it? My dear?"
"Ah, how can we bear it?"
"Bear what?"
"This. For so short a time. How can we sleep this time away?"
"We can be quiet together, and pretend - since it is only the beginning - that we have all the time in the world."
"And every day we shall have less. And then none."
"Would you rather, therefore, have had nothing at all?"
"No. This is where I have always been coming to. Since my time began. And when I go from here, this will be the mid-point, to which everything ran, before, and from which everything will run. But now, my love, we are here, we are now, and those other times are running elsewhere."

~A.S. Byatt, Possession

The difficult we do right away...

2011-08-04T13:50:00.000-07:00

buried alive!

For our third week at the beach this summer, things went a little differently. For one thing, I was sick. So sick. So when Mommy isn't feeling well, we do less stuff, take less pictures, and spend our time more quietly. The boys spent lots of time on the beach, playing in the water and building castles. This year they were less interested in digging gigantic holes, which was a welcome break. Another difference is that we had three days of rain.

we are accidental Boston fans - we bought the hat for the "B" but became fans b/c Yankee fans were so obnoxious

One of those rainy days was our trip to Charleston. So, we didn't get to see as much of the actual city as we had planned. We did a harbor tour, which was a lot of fun. We saw dolphins, Ft. Sumter, Sullivan's Island, Ft. Moultrie, the island where they hung pirates, and various other stuff. We also did another tour of the aircraft carrier this year. We had planned to go to Boone Plantation, but it was pouring. Somehow, it didn't seem like as much fun in the rain and the aircraft carrier was all indoors.

channeling Lt. Pete Maravich (pls tell me you know who this is!)

waiting on his flight instructions in the flight room

Luke's not so sure that being an aviator is the life for him

this reads "The difficult we do right away, the impossible will take a little longer" - awesome

Nicholas, in the Admirals seat

pretending to be Navy men in the sleeping area

And...we finally got to go see The Citadel! I was very, very excited about this! I just love that school and all the charm and craziness that goes with it. Pat Conroy is my very favorite author of all time and The Lords of Discipline is one of his best books, in my humble opinion. The Citadel is so beautiful. I was absolutely enchanted.

"Remember thy Creator in thy days of thy youth"

This year we also got to take both boys out past the breakers. The water was very calm and warm so it was a great time to go. They had so much fun jumping over the big waves. Nicholas hasn't quite grasped the concept of running into the wave and diving in if you can't beat it before it starts to break. He isn't much shorter than me, so I'm really not much help in getting him up and over the great big ones and Steve had his hands full with Luke. Inevitably, one came that we could not jump over; he was going to have to dive into it. I looked at him and said "Nick, you are going to have to go into it with me buddy" and then I dove in. I popped up gently on the other side to find him halfway up the beach, coughing and sputtering. He looked at me and said "I didn't dive in." Obviously. He was so horrified but all I could do was laugh. I told him everybody eats a wave sometimes and it wasn't worth crying about it. He took it really well and came back to play some more. I'm proud of him. I know grown people that can't eat a wave and stay in the water.

Even though I spent great amounts of time trying not to be sick, we had fun. Steve took Nicholas to Wonder Works and they had the time of their lives. It was really fun for them to have some time, just the two of them. Luke and I were as content as could be at home, resting. The trip would have been better if I'd felt better, but life is what it is. We have to make the best of each day and know that there is nothing else we can do. Life happens. We just have to laugh and jump back into the next wave.

A little list or two

2011-07-31T08:32:00.000-07:00

List 1 - Here are the things I have tried to ease the fabulous all day sickness that accompanies my pregnancies:

dramamine
emetrol
sea bands
ginger ale
saltines
peppermints
hard candies
sipping coke
sprite

List 2 - Here are the things that have helped:

sea bands
saltines

This too shall pass and at the end of it, I will have a beautiful, sweet, amazing baby to love forever! I'm working hard to keep my eye on the prize. ;-)

A Crazy Summer

2011-07-16T07:22:00.000-07:00

This summer has been crazy so far. Nothing has happened the way it "normally" does. We started our summer with a week at the beach, the first part with my sister and her children, the second part with our good friends. That was a lot of fun.

What came next wasn't fun at all. We got home and had about 5 regular summer days. Trips to the pool, to the movies, play dates with friends...Then we got a call on a Sunday night, the 26th of June, that my grandma was having trouble breathing and she was being taken to the hospital.

Flashback...A few weeks prior, she was taken to the ER for the same reason and they found some spots on her lungs. She assumed it was lung cancer and refused to be treated. No amount of pleading would change her mind. We all thought she still had at least a few years left, even if she didn't get treatment.

So, back to June 26th....Turns out that she did not have cancer at all. The spots were pneumonia. Pneumonia left untreated can enter your blood stream and you become septic. Grandma died on June 28th of septic shock. It was awful. My family from PA came to stay with me and it was the saddest visit we ever had. My aunt was burying her mother. Not a good week.

Then came the fourth of July holiday. We were so lucky to spend it with friends and it was such a welcome distraction from death. My grandma was such a fan of this holiday. She used to throw huge parties and we would shoot off fireworks. I have great memories of spending this day with her every year growing up. Time with friends was perfect to keep me from feeling so overwhelmed with sadness.

During all of this, I wasn't feeling well. I just chalked it up to depression and stress from the loss of my grandmother. I was very nauseated all the time, I was having a low backache that wouldn't stop, and constant cramps. I thought I had another ovarian cyst. So, I headed off to see my family doctor after a couple of weeks of this. Turns out that little cyst has a heartbeat!

We are having a BABY! Let me say that again, because I've wanted to say it for a very long time....WE ARE HAVING A BABY!!!

Through my time of sadness and loss of one love in my life, God gave me another. This baby obviously won't be a replacement for grandma, but what an amazing gift!! For four long years, I have prayed for another child. My heart yearned for this moment. The bible is clear that God knows the desires of our hearts. My prayer has been "thy will be done" with a side dish of "but, God, I really, really, really want another baby so if that could be your will, I would appreciate it."

I am very sad that my grandma will not be here to see this baby, to hold this baby, to help me with this baby, to love this baby. I will miss her homemade lemonade when the cravings are strong and I will miss her excitement over this new life. My grandma loves babies. My comfort is that she is now with her own baby, the one who died at 11 months old, and that she is in Heaven, rocking her sweet Curtis.

Our family is so excited. The boys aren't jealous at all. They can't wait to hear each week how the baby is growing and changing inside of me. Luke asks me every day to "feel" the baby. He takes one little finger and pokes my tummy. I've told him our baby is just a little "speck" right now and that he can't feel it yet, but he doesn't care. Luke is also very concerned about my diet and keeps telling me to eat "so the baby will grow." He has no idea just how much I'm going to grow. ;-)

So...that is our crazy summer so far. It has been happy, it has been sad, and we have been blessed beyond our dreams. I wonder what the next 6 weeks are going to hold?

10 Little Things

2011-06-24T09:45:00.000-07:00

turtle watching with the boys in our creek

I make lists. Lots of lists. Where I want to go, things I want to do for the day, life goals, honey-do lists, to do lists for work, for the boys....

I like lists.

With that said: I often feel overwhelmed and like I don't spend my time the way I wish I did. Days and opportunities wasted. Too much time reading books or online or sleeping.

So, here is my list of ten little things I want to do every day so that at the end of each day, I am reminded that I did, in fact, spend some of my time wisely.

Give my children good morning, good afternoon, and good night kisses.
Prepare three meals a day for the people I love most.
Clean at least one room/area.
Play with my children/devote attention to only them for a while.
Read to my boys at bedtime or afternoon time or any time really.
Give Steve great big hugs and kisses.
Pray
Read my Bible
Laugh
Go outside at some point. Who doesn't feel better when they get out in the sunshine and soak up a little vitamin D?

There. The list isn't perfect and it isn't comprehensive, but I think it works for me.

Screaming like a girl

2011-03-23T19:15:00.000-07:00

Did you know that lizards can hiss? Like a snake? Yep. They can.

Did you know that I can still scream loudly enough to crack glass and run VERY fast? Yep. I can.

Nick thought it was awesome.

Boys.

Worm Watching

2011-03-17T18:34:00.000-07:00

Today after school the boys were outside playing, when I heard shouts of joy. Apparently, they "captured" a worm. (Didn't you know those little boogers are fast and hard to catch?) They were so excited to have found this worm, they spent the next hour watching it dig its way back into the ground and shielding it from the dogs. They find all kinds of fun things in the yard.

They were also fascinated with the fact that Sofie, our little puppy, is apparently quite the explorer in the creek. She slowly wiggles her way down through the rocks and goes under the bridge to play. As soon as I went inside, they climbed down into the creek to follow her...in spite of being told that they were not to go into the water in their school shoes. Guess who went to bed early tonight?

We are so grateful to have the beautiful 70 degree weather and the yard to enjoy. We spend a ridiculous amount of time outside and I just love it! We have a ton of yard plans for the weekend so we are looking forward to the beautiful spring weather.

The house still has a ton of unpacking and settling in to do. Luke's birthday is on the 26th (can you believe he'll be 6?) and we are going out of town that weekend, but the next weekend we are having his party at home. I just cannot believe that I have added another item to my to-do list. However, the boys are a very high priority in my life and I didn't want to let his birthday go unnoticed because I was busy. So, while unpacking and hanging photos and a million other things, I am handmaking cupcake toppers (thanks to my cricut) and balloon wreaths, etc. If you ever have a birthday party to do, etsy is the place to be. I don't order many things from them but they inspire me! I am not creative, but I'm willing to put in the hours to copy other people's great ideas. And seriously....does anyone really pay $40 for 30 oreo cookies dipped in white chocolate and wrapped in cellophane with a white bow? If they do, I am in the wrong business!

And just for a laugh...Steve and I found this for sale online today while we were looking for a dining room table. Any takers?

Moments in the new house...

2011-03-13T20:14:00.001-07:00

Tonight I sat on my deck and watched Steve and the boys trying to catch frogs in our little creek. Bliss.

As I cleaned the dishes after dinner, I had the windows open and I could see Luke exploring in the "forest part" of our yard. Safe in the fence, with a mommy watching over, free to roam and explore....

We took a walk through our new neighborhood and every single person outside waved, smiled, and said hello. Many were playing christian music from their radios as they worked outside.

Tonight the washing machine refused to drain. Martin just had surgery so he is out of commission as our "safety net." Steve and I worked together to solve the problem. I love that. We had no one to depend on but each other and it was awesome.

The boys have been getting into a little mischief at night...with the Jack and Jill bathroom, they can be tucked into bed, kiss us good-night, wait for the door to close, then spring up and play in each others rooms, unseen. Too bad they forgot we can hear the pitter patter of little feet from downstairs. :-) (We let them go for awhile though, is there anything sweeter than brotherly love?)

Today, Nicholas said he was going to live in our old house while he's in college at UNCC. Luke says he isn't living anywhere without his mommy. I sure do love that boy!

Nicholas had a friend over to play all day on Saturday. They were able to run, play, and be loud and it didn't even matter! YAY! My boys finally have room to run!

I am so very happy.

The new house

2011-03-12T08:49:00.000-08:00

This has been a crazy month! We finally moved, which has taken a tremendous amount of our energy. This is the first move since we were married so we had ten years worth of accumulation to go through. I never want to move again! It is such hard work.

It was bittersweet leaving our old home behind. That is the home where we brought our babies, where Steve carried me over the threshold, where the boys stood of the front steps to take their first day of school photos....It has been such a good home to us. It was hard to say good-bye. Keeping it as an investment property made the parting a little less sad, but still...I miss it.

So...the new house! We love it so much! It is just right for our family and I am so in love with the yard. We have a good sized yard and we back up to 11 acres of land that has been claimed as a "nature preserve" and can never be developed. YAY! We actually have the most beautiful birds, deer eating in the back yard, a pretty little creek winding through, tall trees, room to run, privacy...I am in heaven. My backyard is my new "happy place".

However, we have been warned to be on the look out for snakes and Annie got sprayed by a skunk about three days after we moved in. That was a lot of fun to deal with. (Of all the days for Steve to go into the office!)

The boys are doing much better about the move this week. We've only been here a little over a week now, but last weekend was really hard for them, especially Luke. Luke kept saying that "lovie duck doesn't like it here, he wants to go home". He was overwhelmed by the size compared to our old home and none of his special things had been unpacked. Getting his room set up and knowing that he didn't have to change school or anything helped. Once he saw that we are still his family and all the important things have remained the same, he settled right down. Nicholas never even batted an eye. He loves the extra space and the yard. That boy just needs room to run!

"John Hughes is the man"

2011-02-18T19:33:00.000-08:00

I am a huge fan of John Hughes films. Like many girls, I watched his films as a child/teen and wanted to live a John Hughes adolescence. Jake Ryan, leaning against the porsche, John Cusack, holding a boom-box over his head, blaring out his love for me, Patrick Dempsey, riding off on a lawn mower with me in his lap....Sigh....Even now, whenever I pack Nick's lunch I feel a bit like I imagine Emilio Estevez's pretend mom must have felt packing his lunch in the Breakfast Club.

I don't think many films today capture and represent adolescence the way he did. Really, I don't think anyone comes close. Today, teen films just seem trashy and filthy. That makes me feel old, but I can't help it. I see previews and cringe. I pray that my boys don't think that is the way it is supposed to be. Not that it was perfect for us, far from it, but the media didn't work quite so hard to push us to make HORRIBLE choices. And you can certainly say that John Hughes films don't portray a Christian, honorable adolescence cause they don't. But they seemed real - how things really were, not just the most extreme examples.

I digress.

I found some clips of my favorite 80's movies. There are too many great ones to list them all but these are some of my greatest hits. One image flashes, the music starts to play and I'm right back there. It is awesome.

16 Candles

Say Anything

An All Star Weekend

2011-02-17T16:55:00.000-08:00

I am so happy that it is finally Friday! This is my favorite weekend of the year - the NBA All-Star game/festivities are this weekend! At first, or second, glance I don't look like much of an NBA fan, but I can't help it...I love it! Steve is a huge basketball fan and played year round when he was a teen. After we'd been dating about a year, I decided I needed to learn to love basketball or learn to love someone else. My choice is clear....

So - that means this weekend is going to be so much fun! Nicholas has a game Saturday morning, then Steve's team plays Saturday afternoon, and then it is time for the Festivities! I'm thinking we are going to eat basketball themed food and wear our jerseys. Steve mentioned inviting friends over, but I shut him down. I can't watch the action while guests are here! I have to entertain and cook, etc. when we have company so this is strictly a family affair.

Okay, enough about basketball. We have had the best time this week enjoying the great weather and a semi-return to good health. Last week our furnace and hot water heater died, all in 12 hours! We had to pack it up and head to Steve's parents house until it was all fixed. Turns out that Luke had a mild case of the flu about two weeks ago and his fever and stuff had been gone for about a week, but the cough just wouldn't quit. Well, not only were we displaced from our home, but poor Luke was coughing his head off all night and woke up on Friday with a fever. Pneumonia. Poor little man. He is feeling much better now, thank goodness!

I am doing an awesome Bible-study right now on Jonah. It is called "A Life Interrupted" and I wish they offered it for men as well as women because it is powerful. Does anyone ever make it through life without interruptions? What a look at God's grace, even through life's interruptions. I'm going to be sad when it is over.

Nicholas is doing great. He has friends over constantly and that is an adjustment for me. I am such a family girl and I am finding that I am a little greedy with my "family time". I just want to have all my little chicks in the nest with me and the doorbell rings unexpectedly these days with boys in the neighborhood wanting to play. I'm getting used to it and we are working on finding a balance. (Those pesky interruptions again!)

Steve is doing awesome! He got some fancy gold-star award at the bank last month and I am so proud of him. Plus, he has been selected to go to a training in Orlando in April that will make him one of two people in the bank with this specific training. He is such a hard worker and he does so much to provide for our family. I am so blessed to have him as my husband. Now we are scheming a little to decide if we should take the boys to Orlando while he is there and go to Hogwarts. They are dying to go and we have just been waiting for the right time. I don't know that we will find the trip cheaper than for one plane ticket to be paid for and the hotel room. We shall see...there was talk of no big trips this year. Remember that?

PS - Steve bought me tickets to see TAYLOR SWIFT in July for my birthday!!!! I didn't think he could top last year, but he did it! I am SO EXCITED!!!

"Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name." Psalm 92:13

Things I love

2011-01-28T18:11:00.001-08:00

Boy, have we had a week over here!

Nicholas caught a stomach virus on Tuesday, making that night through Thursday sort of interesting. Then Luke woke up in the wee hours of the morning on Friday sick with a fever, headache, wet cough, and eye pain.

Eye pain? In a five year old? So, we sent him to the doctor to be told he has that mysterious illness...a virus. The one every child has when they don't know exactly what is wrong with them. So, we are loving on him, feeding him Gatorade and popsicles, and letting him watch cartoons to his hearts content.

In the midst of all this, my heart longs for another baby. A sweet, little, lovely, amazing baby....sigh. Unfortunately, Steve's heart longs for nights full of sleep and days that do not include diaper changes. Big sigh.

After weeks like this, it is easy to be sad. It is easy to be negative and depressed. But, as my Sunday school teacher says, we have the Ultimate Joy living right inside our hearts. We know how the story ends and it is a very happy ending. So, instead of being sad, I am remembering some of the things I love.

1. Taylor Swift - I know I’ve said it before and I know not everyone agrees. I can’t help it though, I just love her. Every song takes me back to some memory.

2. Being a mommy - even while cleaning up sick from a bathroom or handing out fever medicine, isn’t it such a gift and honor to be called “mother”? What an amazing gift, to be tasked with raising Godly sons or daughters!

3. Ladies Bible Study - I always learn so much and I just love those women!

4. Teaching preschool - I don’t know if you know this or not, but 3 year old teachers are rock stars, at least to their little students. Can’t carry a tune? They don’t care, sing it again and sing it louder! Terrible at art? They don’t care, get messy, get creative, just play with me! Want to tell about God? They will listen and soak it up like amazing little sponges. It is awesome!

5. Being married to my high school sweetheart - We don’t have any messy history or other people to worry about from long ago. We may not be perfect, but we are perfectly matched. It is awesome to know that my husband knows me and only me in so many ways. Plus, every great memory, every hard memory, every milestone in life, Steve has been beside me, holding my hand. Laughing, crying, loving me, no matter what.

6. The book Same Kind of Different As Me - I don’t know if you have read it, but it is wonderful. It is inspiring and heartbreaking and touching. I can’t wait to read it again.

7. Luke 10:41-42: “You are worried about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is important and it will not be taken from her”. - I love this! You are worried about many things. Boy is that me! Only ONE thing is needed and that is obedience and devotion to God. That lifts my heart every time I read it. Such a comfort!

I can see that I have written a novel here so I will stop. I am so grateful for so many things, even when it is a hard week. One more thing I am thankful for is my family. You are the ones I write this blog for. My life may not be award worthy, but it is my life and I don’t want to forget. Thank you for walking through it with me.

Knowing Nicholas

2011-01-28T12:24:00.000-08:00

Knowing Nicholas:

If there is music, he knows the words...
If you are sad, he will be sad with you, offer hugs, and comfort...
If you have a good book, it will go missing...to be found in his hands...
If a Star Wars or Harry Potter movie is on, he is watching with you...
If the room is a disaster, it is his fault...
If all the cookies are missing, he ate them...
If Luke's room is clean, Nicholas cleaned it...
If he has an emotion, you know about it...
If he is angry, he just might cry...
If you feel like dancing, he will take you in his arms and dance with you...and lead!...
If there is water anywhere nearby, he is in it...
If he had his choice, he would be on a beach right now...
If it can be played on a piano, he can/will learn to play it...
If you hear Fur Elise, it is coming from his room...

This could go on all day...have I mentioned lately how much I love this boy?

A Woman After God's Own Heart

2011-01-27T12:17:00.001-08:00

Every year our womens ministries at church do a discipleship program called "Apples of Gold" and it is such a wonderful program! It is not considered a "Bible study" because it is more of a life study. However, you spend a tremendous amount of time in your Bible, learn scriptures, and learn how to refocus your life to encompass God's priorities for your life so I think of it as a Bible study.

I digress...

The book that we went through last year was called A Woman After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George. I cannot even begin to express to you how much I love this book. This study began at the same time as some personal trials and exactly when I had a tugging at my heart to do a better job of seeking God first.

This book helps me to remember so many things: how to be a better daughter of Christ, how to be a better wife, a better mother, a better friend.... This book really just redirects my path to the Bible and helps me to understand, interpret, and apply scripture.

I love it so much. If you get a chance, you should give it a try. I think you will be glad that you did.

Real life Angry Birds

2011-01-22T08:13:00.001-08:00

My boys, Luke in particular, love the ipod game "Angry Birds". One day when we were snowed in last week, it seemed like the video game play had reached an all time high. So, I turned off the electronics and gave them blocks, legos, and little people farm animals and told them to build a real life angry birds board. They got to design and build the structure and position the animals how they wanted them. Then they had to use different sized "birds" to try and knock them over. Just like in the video game, but without electronics. They loved it!

20 Things About 2010

2011-01-20T18:36:00.000-08:00

Just for fun...for me to look back and remember this year...

20 Things About 2010:

1. What did you do in 2010 that you had never done before?
We took a cruise this year! It's something I always thought of and I'm glad we did it, even if it wasn't the best experience ever.

2. Did you keep your New Year's Resolution and will you make one for this year?
I don't think I had one. My resolution for this year is just to enjoy my life instead of planning for tomorrow and I'm off to a great start. We will see how it goes!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes - my sister had her 3rd baby, Dylan, in February. He is the sweetest, roly-poly baby ever! Several of my friends from church had babies too. I am surrounded by adorable, drooly, sweet babies!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.

5. What places did you visit?
We went to Orlando to visit Disney, on a Disney cruise to the Bahamas and Castaway Cay, we spent two full weeks in Myrtle Beach, SC and had a ton of weekend trips, and also went to Charleston, SC, Boone, NC, and spent a weekend at Great Wolf Lodge.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
My self-confidence and esteem were really shaken this year by some betrayals from a circle of "friends". I would like to have more wisdom and discernment in who I choose to spend my time with. I learned a lot this year about how small choices can have a huge impact on my life and I am not willing to put myself in a position where I can let other people define me or change my view of who I really am. I want to remember that this year.

7. What date from 2010 will remain etched in your memory and why?
August 30, 2010 - my precious baby Luke started kindergarten and changed our lives. No more babies at home all day. I am still not totally over that!

8. What was your biggest achievement this year?
I got a job! I also started grad school.

9. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing major, but I did get mono AGAIN! That was pretty miserable but nothing compared to past illness or the things some people go through.

10. What was the best thing you bought?
A Maxima! I didn't really buy it, Steve did. It was a birthday present. You've just got to love that man!

11. Where did most of your money go?
Travel - we always spend a ridiculous amount of money on travel. This year we are taking a break, much to my dismay.

12. What song will always remind you of 2010?
Miracle in the Moment by Steven Curtis Chapman

13. What do you wish you had done more of?
I wish I had laughed more, cried less. This past year was a very hard one. I also wish I had found a way to treasure, adore, be more amazed by my boys. The days are long and the years are so short. I don't want to miss a thing.

14. What do you wish you had done less of?
I wish I had cried less, doubted myself less, given less of myself away to people that didn't deserve it. I also wish I had eaten fewer cookies. Does that count?

15. What was your favorite TV show?
Grey's Anatomy, Modern Family, Lost, Friday Night Lights

16. What was the best book you read this year?
A Woman After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George changed my life and helped me to change my heart and remember to put God's priorities first. For fiction and fun, I really liked The Help and I reread some old favorites like American Wife and The Time Travelers Wife.

17. What was your favorite film of the year?
Eclipse! I saw it with my wonderful friend in the theaters 4 times. People thought we were insane, but we went at night when the children were sleeping and tickets were only $5. Less than a meal at Chick-fil-a. We sat in the dark and ate twizzlers and sighed over the romance. Sigh. It was great!

18. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
I turned 31 and I had a surprise party that Steve threw for me and my favorite three couples. It was perfect! I love small and intimate and my three best friends and their families were with me. It could not have been a better birthday! (Steve really knocked it out of the park this year - parties and cars....)

19. What political issue stirred you the most?
I don't really know. I have tried very hard to stay out of it. BUT I will say that I am heartbroken by the hatefulness you see everywhere, right or left. I just don't understand people that are so extreme on either side. The hate is just awful no matter which side you are on.

Also, I am extremely unhappy that teachers are losing their jobs and libraries are being closed. What kind of world are we going to have if we shut the doors on education?

20. Who was the best new person you met?
My boss. She is totally awesome! I love working for her, I love her heart for children, their families, and God. I love how she has our back and she supports us so well. (And she doesn't even know I have a blog so she will never read this. No brownie points here!)

Lovie

2011-01-12T05:34:00.000-08:00

I would like to tell you a story. We have a special friend that lives at our house. It’s name is “Lovie Duck”. Lovie Duck is an especially good friend of Luke’s. He was a gift from Nana when Luke still lived in my tummy and has been a constant companion and beloved friend ever since.

Luke learned to walk by reaching for Lovie Duck. I would place it on my shoulder, sit a few steps away and Luke would giggle and shriek and reach out, taking those first brave steps, to rescue his beloved. I would capture him as he captured his lovie and we would all laugh and embrace.

When Luke was left in the dangerous waters of the church nursery, Lovie Duck was there. When he braved preschool for the first time, Lovie was there, tucked safely into his school bag. Ready and waiting to give a hug and rub if needed. When Luke was at the doctor, getting those dreaded shots, Lovie was there to offer comfort. When we flew for the first time and Luke trembled with fear and gripped Lovie in one hand, Mommy in the other. Lovie was a constant.

One sad day, Lovie got lost. The house was torn asunder, but no Lovie was found. Daddy went back to every store we visited during that day, on hands and knees, peering under shelves. No luck. He even looked under the cars in the parking lot, hoping, praying that Lovie would appear. No luck. It was a long, hard, sad night at the Best home. For the first time, Luke slept without his beloved. I cried ‘til I was sick and then ordered a replacement on ebay for $58. The next morning, we reached into the oatmeal box in the pantry to make breakfast and instead of oatmeal pulled out…LOVIE!!! Much celebrating was done. And when the spare lovie arrived, we were grateful to have it.

This year a sad thing happened. Luke turned five and headed off to school. For the first time, Luke was on adventures that lovie couldn’t join him on. For the first few weeks, Lovie waited in the car all day, so that as soon as Luke got in the car, they could be reunited.

A couple of months into the school year, I started to notice that Lovie was left on the couch while Luke was in school. Then I noticed that Luke did not ask for Lovie when he went to sleep at night.

Now, some days I come home from teaching preschool to my empty house and see Lovie sitting there, abandoned. Some days, Lovie and I curl up and have ourselves a cry. Other days, I may take that sweet Lovie, that still smells like my sweet boy, and climb into Luke’s bed, that still smells like my sweet boy, and we take a nap, trying to pass the time until Lovie and I can go and get our beloved.

Quotes for children

2011-01-11T17:07:00.000-08:00

A while ago I posted some of my favorite quotes. Here are some of my favorite quotes for children, my sons in particular:

"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I would never have to live without you." ~ Winnie the Pooh
"Promise me you'll always remember...You are braver than you believe and stronger than you seem and smarter than you think." ~ Christopher Robin
"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living, My baby you'll be..." ~Robert Munsch
"Every time I look at you, I give thanks to my God" ~ Phillipians 1:3
"Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it." ~Harold Hulbert
"You are worried about seeing him spend his early years in doing nothing. What! Is it nothing to be happy? Nothing to skip, play, and run around all day long? Never in his life will he be so busy again." ~Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Emile, 1762
"Boy, n.: a noise with dirt on it." ~Not Your Average Dictionary
"While we try to teach our children all about life, Our children teach us what life is all about."~Angela Schwindt
"A child seldom needs a good talking to, as a good listening to." ~Robert Brault
"Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing." ~Phyllis Diller
"Anyone who thinks the art of conversation is dead ought to tell a child to go to bed." ~Robert Gallagher
"If you haven't time to respond to a tug at your pants leg, your schedule is too crowded." ~Robert Brault
"A mother understands what a child does not say." ~ Anonymous

Resolutions....

2011-01-04T15:28:00.001-08:00

the face of a boy who knows how to sit back and enjoy

We had the best New Years Eve! Some of our favorite people came over to hang out and eat snack-y foods with us and play games. When the clock struck twelve we all kissed, blew party horns, and toasted the new year with sparkling apple cider. It was great!

So, here is my resolution....I want to enjoy. That is it...just to enjoy my life. I am always planning - the next house, the next vacation, the next chore, the next thing I have to do....

I want to just stop and enjoy. I have a family I adore, a wonderful church, a job I love, friends that I trust, a husband that still thinks I'm "hot" after ten years of marriage and two kids....I have every desire of my heart.

Now it is time for me to just enjoy.

2011-01-02T16:57:00.000-08:00

Our Snowy Day

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-25T18:49:00.001-08:00

Christmas Eve was spent with Nana, Poppol, Aunt Emily, Great-Nan, and Great-Papaw. We ate, played fun games, opened gifts, took tons of photos, and had so much fun!

Christmas morning came dark and early...Nicholas went to bed at 8:30 on Christmas Eve. He was up at 10:30, 12:30, 2:00, and 4:00 a.m. Finally at 4, he told his daddy he just could not lie in bed one minute longer. So he sat in his room, building the Lego set he received from his grandparents. At 6:00 Steve woke me and said "honey, he just can't wait one minute longer." Nicholas was passed out on the couch around 8:00 tonight.
Who can sleep when Santa is on his way?

In all things, give thanks

2010-12-24T02:32:00.000-08:00

Today, I’ve been reading a blog that was a link from Kelly’s Korner. She was asking people to please pray for this woman that lost her husband to cancer one month ago and just lost her father-in-law today. I don’t know why I clicked on the link. Usually, I just offer up a prayer and don’t read along. I get too emotionally invested; I am missing the ability to separate myself from others and their hurts.

I read the most recent post, then the second, and then I stopped and went back to her very first post so I could read the story in order. Wow. The blog actually began with her as a newlywed, not as the wife of a man with cancer. You should see it…they talk about house hunting and jobs and the joy of being married. It is full of accounts of shopping, dinner, exercise, school things…All those things that we do every day and don’t really appreciate. A few months in, her husband receives his diagnosis and from that point, her journey is all about him and this battle they are fighting.

It breaks my heart.

It also makes me want to run out and hug my sons. It makes me want to say “thank you, God” for their loud, healthy voices and their rowdy energy. Thank you, God, for my husband that loves me and is here with me to forget to take out the trash or to move my papers around to where I can’t find a single thing.” It also makes me wonder why on earth I get annoyed with these things?

I say a lot that I am blessed. This is something that I realize almost every single day. I do feel things very deeply, good and bad. My heart does feel a ridiculous amount of empathy for others. Regularly, I cry when I read the blogs of other people – if they have a baby, tears of joy, if they are saying good-bye to a foster child, tears of sadness…It could be almost anything. Steve and I kid that I am turning into my great-grandma, a woman that was a definite crier.

Oh well…there are worse things I could be. Like ungrateful or unrecognizing of my blessings. So, my reminder lesson for myself today is to remember this: Every single day is a gift. In all things, give thanks.

Hilarious

2010-12-23T01:43:00.000-08:00

Luke's favorite word right now is "hilarious".

I find this hilarious. He says it with emphasis on the "lar" part of the word so he sounds like a fifteen year old girl. I think I was friends with a girl that said it in exactly the same way.
What five year old speaks like that?

Hilarious.

Sofie

2010-12-22T01:36:00.000-08:00

I have someone I’d like you to meet. Say hello to Sofie.

She weighs 2 lbs., is only 8 weeks old, and is a mix of Chihuahua and Dachsund. She is called a “Chiweenie”. We just call her sweet, sweet, sweet…

She is my Christmas gift from my husband that loves me sooo much!

This is his answer to my arms yearning for another baby.

He tells me that in five years she will still want to be held.

Luke tells me she’s just like a baby “but she doesn’t barf”.

Nicholas tells me that he is still my baby. “I haven’t left for college yet you know!”

I am so blessed. Have I mentioned that?

My Day in Numbers

2010-12-21T13:12:00.000-08:00

sleepy puppy on my lap {one}
boys full of energy {two}
dozen cookies baked {four}
people's dinners prepared {ten}
hours spent in my classroom {two}
different recipes I prepared {five}
hours spent shopping - yuck! {one}
loads of laundry to fold {five}
sugar cookies decorated to look like snowmen {fourteen}
cookies eaten by me {only one!}
cookies eaten by the boys {three}
servings of "healthy food" foisted onto the boys to counteract the cookies {four}
rounds of dishes washed {three}
Christmas gifts still to make {two}
times the boys cleaned the living room, then messed it up again {six}
fun friends to go out with tonight {two}
best friend I miss {one}
man I will love forever {one}
kisses I received {countless}
times I felt blessed beyond words {hundreds}

5 on Friday

2010-12-17T00:01:00.000-08:00

I am always thankful for these two!

Five things I am thankful for this Friday:

The boys are home until January 3rd! YAY!!! One of the biggest perks of their school is that they get out for Christmas a full five days before Cabarrus County Schools. I am so excited to have them with me!
The promise of the holidays around the corner. The house smells like sugar cookies and cinnamon, the gifts are wrapped, the tree is trimmed and all that is left is to enjoy.
I have a job that lets me play with children all morning, be home whenever my boys are, and have enough time to run errands/nap/clean house/read/etc. all before they come home.
Our church family - you could never meet a better group of praying, loving Christians. I am so grateful and love them all so much.
Nicholas' upcoming piano recital. He is in his first recital ever on Monday night and he is so excited, but so am I! I can't play anything and I am so proud of my smart, brave, funny son that can do so many wonderful things. (Luke is actually waiting on Ms. Laura to have an open spot so he can start lessons too. This time next year, I may have 2 boys having a recital!)

Just for fun...

2010-12-15T13:48:00.000-08:00

You know you are from NC when:

You've never met ANY celebrities
You measure distance in minutes
Your folks have taken trips to the mountains to look at leaves
You remember watching the ACC Tournament on television at school
The local newspaper covers state, national, and international headlines in one page, but sports require six pages
Your school classes were canceled because of cold
You know the Carolina League is the greatest baseball league in the country
You think South Carolina was dead weight well shed
You've ever had to switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day
You see people wearing bib overalls at funerals
You know Krispy Kreme makes the best doughnuts!
When asked how your trip to any foreign, exotic place was you say, "It was different"
Schools and churches hold barbecue fundraisers with banana puddin' as the dessert
You have actually uttered the phrase "It's too hot to go to the pool"
You faithfully drink Pepsi or Mt. Dew everyday of your life.

Must Be Santa

2010-12-14T18:33:00.000-08:00

Last night we took the boys to Great Wolf Lodge to see Santa. That is where the real Santa hangs out this time of year you know.

Nicholas just walked right up to Santa and presented him with a request. "I would like Lego Harry Potter Hogwarts Castle please. If they are all given away, I would like a bike for my second choice. I have been a good boy this year." No nonsense, right down to business. He smiled for the picture and climbed down to accept his gift of a stuffed bear with a candy cane.

Luke was a little more hesitant. Luke is my watcher. He likes to take it all in, process it, and then make a decision. He was standing by me, not quite sure if he really wanted to go talk to the big guy when suddenly we heard "Luke, come and sit with me. I know you've been a good boy this year, come tell me what you want for Christmas."

What?!? Did Santa just call Luke over by name? Why, yes he did!

Luke needed no more invitation than that. He was spellbound. He went over to Santa, sat on his lap, and opened the sealed envelope holding the letter he had written him. The letter that was so important, it could only be opened for Santa and it had to be hand-delivered! There was no one waiting in front of us or behind us. Luke got to sit on Santa's lap, read his letter, and visit with Santa as long as he wanted. Finally, after a nice long chat, Luke was done. He accepted his stuffed snowman with candy cane and politely requested his donut from Dunkin' Donuts. (Red glaze with lots of holiday sprinkles. Chocolate covered Boston creme for Nicholas.)

We took all the pictures we wanted and opted not to stay for story time this year. They were full of joy and donuts so we came home to go to bed on this cold yucky day.

Every day is a gift and some gifts are extra magical. Visiting Santa this year was like that.

Sad

2010-11-30T13:34:00.000-08:00

We love the school our boys attend. It is a charter school with a different approach to education and we are so happy there. However....

Today Luke's teacher sent home the list of major celebrations they will be covering for the month of December: Las Posadas, St. Nicolas Day, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa. See anything important missing?

I know it is not a Christian school. I understand that. The school is affiliated in no way with any religion. So, my question is why is it okay to cover Hanukkah if we have to leave God out of December?

This makes me very sad. This is our 3rd Christmas in a public school and the first time Christ has been so blatantly left out of the holiday. I'm so glad that we are active in church and talk about Christ so much at home. They sure aren't getting it at school. :-(

Memories for me...

2010-11-28T19:32:00.001-08:00

Today I was carrying Luke through the grocery store parking lot and he was a little taller than me as we walked and he says "So this is what the world looks like for you!" Love it!

Yesterday, Steve was sitting at the table with the boys when suddenly they burst into song. They began to sing the Chipmunks Christmas song, with Luke doing the voice of Dave perfectly. I had no idea they knew all the words without the music.

We put up our tree Saturday. Nicholas says to me "Do you know where we should put this tree?" and Luke chimes in so they are speaking together with "Right in the middle of our front room window!" They love the movie A Christmas Story. They call it "Ralphie's Christmas" and have seen it way too many times apparently. :-)

For Thanksgiving, they both insisted on eating the turkey legs, in spite of the legs being larger than their heads. Luke held the leg upright for all to see...."This is what it looked like when it was still on the turkey." Suddenly, I didn't want my meat as much. ;-)

About ten minutes after I tucked them into bed tonight, they both came wandering out, alarmed. "Mom, we can see the shadows of the elves running around, getting ready to report to Santa!" Luke was terrified "I don't like the elves in my room, Mommy." I was able to convince them after several minutes that the shadows they see belong to passing cars, not wayward elves. They went back to their beds, much relieved.

Luke insisted on wearing Nicholas' Harry Potter glasses for the duration on the Thanksgiving holiday. He is wearing them in almost every single photo I have. That boy is just silly! He looks so stinkin' adorable in those glasses!

Whenever they read the "12 Days of Christmas" they are unable to help themselves - they burst into song and we have to read/sing the entire book.

"I don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep, cause I'd miss you baby and I don't want to miss a thing. " ~ the old Aerosmith song is playing in my head right now.

5 Whole Days!!!

2010-11-24T06:26:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving break last year - the holiday at our house

We have five whole days without work or school!!! I am so excited that there aren't words to express it!

I spent the past 8 years as a stay at home mother with no job to attend. Long days were spent in my pj's where the big outing of the day was probably a trip to Target or Trader Joe's. I was on a first name basis with all the ladies in my local library and the laundry was always done.

Now...I am thrilled, beyond blissed to have five days at home! Here is the thing...I could go back to it if I wanted. We have been so blessed that my job is an option, not a necessity. BUT - I don't want to go back to staying home full time because there are no children in the house to stay home with. So, I go to work every day and play with other people's children and I LOVE every minute of it!

If I could wave my magic wand, I would have my children home with me and I would spend every day up to my ears in folding clothes and ladies Bible studies. Since I don't have a magic wand or a time machine, I am so blessed and honored to be able to spend my time the way I do. It is such an awesome gift for someone to trust you with their special child for a few hours each day. I love every one of those boys and girls and treat them the way I wanted (and still want) my own children to be treated.

And for those wonderful five day weekends - the rarity make them that much sweeter. Today I am thankful for long weekends with the ones you love.

Inspire me

2010-11-23T16:24:00.000-08:00

Let not the cloud sit upon your brow. Look up, laugh, love, talk big, keep the colors in your cheek and the fire in your eye. ~William Hazlett

If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do well matters very much. ~ Jackie O

To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else. ~ Emily Dickinson

We are not called by God to do extraordinary things, but to do ordinary things with extraordinary love. ~ Jean Vanier

The opinion which other people have of you is their problem, not yours. ~ Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

The worst thing a person can do to you is make you doubt your own integrity. ~ Thomas Harris

The hardest battle you are ever going to have to fight is the battle to be just you. ~ Leo Buscaglia

The test of a mans character is not the mistakes he makes but the way he responds to them. ~ William Cope Moyers

Never do things others can do and will do, if there are things others cannot do or will not do. ~ Amelia Earhart

The night is just a part of the day. ~ Paul Coelho

As Unto the bow the the cord is , So unto the man is woman; Though she bends him, she obeys him, Though she draws him , yet she follows: Useless each without the other. ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

For God so loved the world, that He gave his only begotten son, that whosoever loved Him, shall not perish, but have everlasting life. ~ John 3:16

I love....

2010-11-22T16:08:00.000-08:00

my sweet niece, Lynsey, who spent the weekend with us last weekend

I love:

laughing so hard your face hurts
the new Taylor Swift cd
watching Nicholas play the piano
listening to Luke giggle
Saturday morning snuggles - all four of us crammed into one bed, the day stretched before us like a golden gift
my preschoolers
my church family
my good friends that make the world a happier place
my wonderful friend that will go see the Twilight movies no less than four times in the theater with me - and she always brings me the most wonderful, thoughtful snacks (twizzler anyone?)
that I am small enough to curl up on Steve's lap like a child
that Steve lets me curl up on his lap like a child :-)
pumpkin foods!
Psalm 120:1
anything written by Pat Conroy
gorgeous beaches - from Charleston to Jamaica
horse and buggy rides around different cities
my in-laws
my adorable, wonderful, beloved niece and nephews
hope

I could go on for a while. We spend so much time during the holiday season, running around, planning events, spending money, worrying about family.... that I just want to take a minute to remember all the things I love. This blog is for me to remember these precious years and I just don't want to miss a thing!

Lay it down and leave it there!

2010-11-20T18:49:00.000-08:00

Ah, burdens... Life is full of them, isn't it? As believers we are instructed to lay our burdens at the feet of God and trust Him to take care of them. The Bible tells us time and time again that we are not to worry, that we are to trust God.

Personally, I do a great job of laying all my burdens at His feet. I pray and pray and pray. According to every "spiritual gifts" test I have ever taken, my gifts are prayer, faith, and outreach. In my mind, when my heart is heavy and hurting, I can see myself bringing my worries to God and curling up on a tiny little patch of His hand. In that place, I feel comforted and safe. In that place, I know I am in the arms of my loving Heavenly Father. In that place...

My problem is staying in that place. I lay my burdens at His feet, only to pick them back up again, sometimes as soon as 5 minutes later. (Didn't you know that God needs me to help Him out? He is busy and I am a "fixer".) I don't mean to do it, I just do. I worry and fret and pray and even while I put my burdens at His feet, a part of me is working on the problem, just giving God that little extra "help", as if He needs anything I have to offer.

Sigh. Sometimes I feel like with my faith, I will never get it "right". I will never be "good enough". I will never have all my failings and sins worked out. And the Bible is really clear about this...I won't ever be worthy of God, no matter how hard I work at it or how much I want to. I will always fall short of His glory.

I am so blessed to have a Father that loves me anyway. So blessed to have a Savior to intervene for me. So very thankful for grace. So thankful...

Here are some verses that help me remember:
Psalm 120:1 "In my distress I called out and He heard me"
Jonah 2:2 "I cried to Jehovah out of my distress, and He heard me"
2 Samuel 22:7 "In my distress I called to the LORD; I called out to my God. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came to his ears.
Psalm 18:6 "In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears.

I could go on listing these for a while. How many times does He have to say it before I remember it? When I cry out to Him, He hears me! I am not just talking to the ceiling, but to a living, loving God. Now if I could just lay those burdens down and leave them there!

Fall

2010-11-19T18:39:00.000-08:00

It is fall! Glorious, beautiful, wonderful fall! I love the weather, the beautiful trees, the promise of holidays just around the corner, the yummy pumpkin foods...

I love fall. Recently, we spent a glorious fall day at Dan Nicholas Park, which we had never visited despite being only about 30 minutes away. It was a very happy, blessed, wonderful day. We went to the petting zoo, rode the trains, rode the merry go round, played mini golf, went "mining" and played on all the fun playground equipment. At the end of this day, Steve and I were exhausted but the boys had energy to spare. How does that happen? If only we could bottle their energy and their excitement. The world is a wonderful place through the eyes of a child and Dan Nicholas park was pretty awesome no matter what age you are.

Nicholas said it best

2010-11-08T17:38:00.000-08:00

The most restful place on earth, my favorite hammock in Jamaica

Nicholas looked at me tonight and said "Mom, I am just tired". That doesn't sound like much, but coming from the mouth of Nicholas, those are powerful words indeed.

We so looked forward to "fall back" so we could get that extra hour of sleep, easily forgetting that we pay for that extra hour of rest with many days that are one hour longer. The boys simply do not sleep any later, so their bodies feel like they were at school until 4:30, instead of 3:30. They were up and ready to roll at 6:15 today. Their little bodies told them it was 7:15, so they were up and at 'em.

I think we may be too busy. We are abundantly blessed to have a wonderful church family and great friends to spend time with. However, with that being said, we have spent at least one day every weekend with friends. We have had so much fun! We love our friends and our church family so much, but I think it is high time that we save a weekend for just rest and family.

Our weeks are slammed. Nicholas does piano, basketball, scouts, choir, and church. Not to mention, school and homework. Steve has a ton of responsibilities with work and various other volunteer positions. I am back to work five days a week and while it is only "part time" I easily spend forty hours a week working on lesson plans and crafts. Thank Heaven Luke isn't "doing" anything right now but school.

I think our hearts and home are crying out for some quiet. Sometimes we just need time to sit back, rest, and restore our hearts and minds. That is going to be my goal for the week. Y'all remind me of that when I don't call you back or answer your emails cause I'm running around like a crazy person trying to get things done. :-)

Thankful on Thursday

2010-11-03T12:51:00.001-07:00

This Thursday I am thankful for grace.

One evening, about 18 months ago, Nicholas came to me at bedtime with his storybook Bible opened to Jesus on the cross. It was a couple of weeks after Easter, so the empty tomb and risen Savior had been an important topic in our house for a while. He wanted to know why Jesus had to die. I explained it all to him and he said "Mommy, I want Jesus in my heart. I know he died for me and I need Him. I want to ask Jesus into my heart."

My first question was "Don't you want to wait for your Daddy to have this conversation?" (Steve was running an errand and not home.) Of course, he did not. So, feeling amazingly inept, I knelt beside my son while he asked Jesus to forgive him and to live in his heart forever.

We waited to make his confession public. He was not quite seven yet, still so young to make such an important decision. We watched as he and his understanding grew. We watched as he made choices to stop certain behaviors or to say no to things because Jesus set a clear example for how we were to live and how we should treat others. We watched our son show obedience to his Heavenly Father.

This past summer he came to me in tears after VBS one night. He was ready and wanted to know why he couldn't make his confession public and be baptized. Why could he not do this?

Steve and I continued to pray that God would guide us in this choice. Then a friend said to me "you know, there is no place in the Bible that says children can't know God and love Him. John the Baptist recognized Jesus even in the womb."

She was right. We prayed, Nicholas prayed, and he made his confession public and joined our church. Then he went through the new believers class for children.

Then on October 24, 2010 our sweet son was baptized. I stood behind the wall, waiting with camera and towels, armed with tissues that I was busy tearing through and watched my son be immersed in the water and come up brand new, his little cowlick popping right up with him. There could have only been him, our pastor, myself, and our Heavenly Father in the room at that moment. I had eyes for no one but him.

Second only to grace, motherhood is such an amazing gift.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-11-03T09:00:00.000-07:00

Enchanted

2010-11-02T10:58:00.000-07:00

Halloween has come and gone! How did that happen? We had so much fun in October - it seriously is one of my favorite months of the year, especially when we don't get the flu! (Last year, Nicholas and I both had the swine flu in October - misery!)

We celebrated our fun month with cookie decorating, trips to Pumpkin Patches, Fall Festivals at church, and Trick or Treating. Tons of pumpkin foods...visiting with friends...entertaining friends in our home....Plus, the new Taylor Swift cd came out this month and I have been wearing it out. I love it!

Most importantly, Nicholas joined the church this month, completed the New Believers class, and had his baptism on October 24th! That was an amazing, special, miracle of a moment for this mommy. More on that later...

We have been so blessed this month! I love my job, the boys love their school, and Steve is happy with his work. I could not ask for more.
Nicholas was Harry Potter this year. Luke was Aragog, the gigantic spider from the books. Luke had to be convinced to dress up. He said "dressing up is pointless." (How old is this kid?!?)

The boys also got to go to the Lollipops concert down at the Blumenthal with Nana and Poppol. They got awesome seats (thanks Nana!). Nicholas actually got chosen to get on stage and hold up a sign and howl into a microphone and all sorts of fun stuff. He was in heaven! That child is such a ham.
Steve and I did not dress up this year. We were going to be Charlie Brown and Lucy, but at the last minute Steve backed out on me. I didn't want to be Lucy without Charlie Brown. So, we were just parents. :-)
Hope your month was happy!

Today

2010-10-14T16:57:00.000-07:00

Today Nicholas was in the backyard with Steve and Luke, grilling our dinner, when he overheard some children playing in the neighborhood. He climbed to the top of his "climber" and saw it was three boys that live in nearby houses playing with Nerf guns. One of the boys was upset because the teams weren't even and he was on his own. Before I could blink, Nicholas said "Can I go play too?" I said "Nicholas, you don't even know those boys." His reply - the gate creaking shut as he flew out of it.

Next thing I know, my shy, sweet, cautious boy has approached three little boys playing and has been joyfully made part of the group. And there were no parents outside "watching". Steve looked at me and said "Brandy, he is 8 1/2. Let him be." Before I could even process that, Luke is chiming in with "Can I go too?" I got light-headed. Seriously. I had to sit down.

I don't know those boys. I don't know their parents. Is he old enough to play outside unsupervised? Is he old enough for all this? Am I?!?

Next thing I know, the boy next door is on Nick's bike, teaching him how to do cool tricks like bounce on the back wheel only and to ride with no hands, without wearing a helmet! (Thankfully, Nicholas still puts his on no matter what.) Nicholas had to cut their playtime short, because he was off to go bowling with cub scouts. Luke is along for the ride and Steve is there, hanging out with the other dads. Luke has play dates set up with his friends this weekend. The social calendar of my children runs over.

How did my boys get so old? What happened to diaper cream and lavender baths? I want to snuggle them and cuddle them. While they still let me most of the time, they are outgrowing that part of me. Sheesh. This next phase of life is blowing me away.

Ready or not, here it comes....

Yo' VIP - Let's kick it...

2010-09-22T17:24:00.001-07:00

how could anyone be mad at this face?

Luke cut his hair today at school, during morning work.

How did his teacher not see this? "She wasn't looking."

What did she say about the hair on his desk? "Oh, I just wiped it off onto the floor and it disappeared! Like magic!"

He is grinning and laughing all the while, making it impossible to be mad or annoyed. It is his hair after all. And if he wants to rock Vanilla Ice stripes in the back of his head? Well, who am I to say otherwise? It is only hair, it will grow back.

The funny thing is, when Steve was in 5th grade, he shaved Vanilla Ice stripes into his eyebrows. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Yo' VIP - let's kick it.....

You know you want to rock this look...

31 Reasons I love Steve

2010-09-22T00:00:00.000-07:00

Steve, back in high school

1. He is sweet.
2. He loves me soooooo much!
3. He is patient with me.
4. He never gets tired of hearing my voice.
5. He will go out for food, chocolates, heating pads, tylenol, whatever no matter what time it is. Even 3:00 a.m.
6. He cleans up the throw up that doesn't make it to the potty.
7. He rubs my feet every single night. Every. Single. Night.
8. He has great legs.
9. He can make up a song about anything.
10. He never tells me "no".
11. He is happy with me, no matter what.
12. He prays for me.
13. He will play "catch" with the boys for hours.
14. He is tireless.
15. He makes my heart skip a beat.
16. He never makes me do any of the "manly" jobs, but he will help me with any of the "girly" ones. Except cooking.
17. He will read to the boys in twenty different voices for each character.
18. He will come to me, no matter where I am or what he is doing. Even if I am hundreds of miles away. I call, he is there.
19. He still smiles that "special" smile at me.
20. He never breaks his promises.
21. He loves God.
22. He prays for/with/over our sons.
23. He does all the technology/computer/tv/cable, etc. stuff so I don't have to think about it at all.
24. He will never eat the last cookie.
25. His hands are tough and callused, even though he works in an office. No girly hands for this man. :-)
26. He will hold me and let me cry as long as I need to.
27. He makes all my cards himself. He draws them, writes them, and fills them with his own, personal bit of love.
28. He is so easy to please!
29. He does all the ironing.
30. He is an awesome dad but he gives me all the credit for the parenting our boys have.
31. He thinks I am beautiful, no matter what.

Steve, the day he graduated from college

I could keep going, but I'll save some for next year. Happy, happy, happy birthday to the man of my dreams. I love you!

Friday Night Lights

2010-09-20T19:09:00.000-07:00

This weekend we took the boys to see a local high school football game. They had never been and Steve and I just thought they were a little too young for the price of Panthers tickets. So, we took our cue from small towns all over the US and spent Friday night supporting our local boys.
Steve thought they wouldn't let us in because we don't have children at the school. Silly Steve. We ran into a ton of people we knew at the game, none of which have children in school there. Our town gets to be about "this big" sometimes.
The boys loved it! They loved watching the marching band come in and the captains out on the field for the coin toss. They loved watching the cheerleaders hold up the huge banner for the team to run through. (Luke was disappointed. He was hoping a cheerleader might get squished by the team running through the banner. A little too much "Funniest People and Pets" over here. He had big dreams of sending the video in and winning "like a hundred dollars!" {No cheerleaders were harmed during the writing of this blog.})

They loved jumping up and down and cheering when touchdowns were scored. And they loved, loved, loved the band! (No matter how hard we try, those boys insist on loving music and arts more than sports. Steve is baffled.) Luke took advantage of Nicholas' good spirits and hung out with Nicholas and his friends; not to mention he had his brother carrying him around like a baby. We had such a good time; we can't wait for the next home game!

Jailbreak!

2010-09-16T17:38:00.000-07:00

Today I sprung the boys from school early. They needed haircuts and frankly, I just missed them. So, after I finished work and the boring "grown-up" errands, I went ahead and got them out of school early.

Nick getting in the car after school, slightly confused...

We went to get haircuts and then hit the park for yummy cupcakes, left over from a birthday party that one of my preschoolers had today. (Preschool teachers make very little actual money, but we are well paid in pastries, stickers, and lots of love and hugs!)

Luke had no questions, just a request to keep the cupcakes coming!

The boys played for over an hour. They had the best time! They ran all over the place, happy as clams to be playing together at the park.
Just a month ago, they were so tired of each others company that they would have been arguing and "bored" after ten minutes. Letting them go back to school each September is bittersweet. (I miss them like crazy, but they are so much happier getting to have hours with other friends, people, and having something to focus on besides just the next entertainment mom has planned.)
I wish that I could "jailbreak" them more often, but I think they can only get early dismissal for dentist's appointments so often. The rarity of today makes it that much more precious. Again, I thank God for an awesome day with my boys.

Steve

2010-09-14T10:39:00.000-07:00

My husband is so smart...

Check out his blog here. http://iamstevesarticles.tumblr.com/post/1115306295/life

I sure do love that man!

Busy, busy, busy

2010-09-12T18:26:00.000-07:00

We are busy bees over here these days! The boys are about to start their 3rd week of school, I am starting my 2nd week with my lovely preschoolers and our family is starting to adjust to our "brand new life".

We have very little (no) boring days. With me teaching preschool 5 mornings a week, both boys having homework, both boys singing in the choir at church, Nicholas taking piano, playing baseball, and doing scouts, and all our other church commitments we barely have a minute to ourselves. So long "pajama days", hello "busy days"!

Nicholas in his "Braves" uniform.

However...when we take a break to have fun - we do it right! Here are some quick glimpses of all the fun we've been having.

We've been to Carowinds, where Nicholas braved back to back rides on Thunder Road so he could ride with both me and Steve. (Luke is counting the inches till he can ride with us!)

Hold on tight, bear the load, enjoy your ride, on Thunder Road!

We've had end-of-summer trips to the pool, where the water was a little bit chilly.

Yep, he's turning blue...

We've been spending time with great friends.

Hah! Not the friends we've been hanging out with, but I couldn't resist!

The boys have been to see Mary Poppins at the Blumenthal.

Thanks Nana and Poppol!

Mommy and Daddy have had some much needed date nights.

"I'll put three holes in your head like a bowling ball." (That is for you sweetie!)

We've had pizza and movie nights where we popped homemade popcorn. (I may never by microwave popcorn again!)

Our days are busy, but we are having a blast!

Day 2 - A happy ending

2010-08-31T18:02:00.001-07:00

This little guy came racing in from school today shouting "I had the best day of my life!" Next I heard "I made a friend!" This little guy had a wonderful time. This mama cried with joy.

Motherhood - you cry when their days are sad and you cry when their days are happy. Parenting is not for the faint of heart.

Thank you so much for your prayers. Life is so hard. I don't want to imagine what a life without prayer might look like. Hugs to you all!

"The Start of a New Life"

2010-08-30T17:32:00.000-07:00

Luke started kindergarten today. This morning as I was tying his shoelaces, he looked at me and said "Mommy, today is the start of a new life." How did my baby boy get to be so wise?

Here he is....first day of kindergarten, first day of a new life.
Today he had sort of a tough day. He is shy, he missed his stagger day last week because he was sick, and sometimes life just throws you a lemon. But, hey, I'm hoping it is like a wedding...if something goes wrong at the wedding, it means you'll have a long and happy marriage. Maybe if your first day of school has something go wrong, it means you'll have a long and happy school year. Here's hoping....

1st Day, 2nd Grade

2010-08-26T07:36:00.000-07:00

Nicholas started 2nd grade yesterday...how can that be?
Here are the "first day of school" photos for the family. Luke doesn't start until Friday.

His new teacher - he keeps exclaiming "she's so nice!"
Just for fun, here are some pics from the first day of first grade.
Can you believe how big he has gotten?

Grateful

2010-08-18T19:08:00.000-07:00

Luke, standing alone for the first time - see he barely let go of
the bucket he was leaning against...

Okay, it is no secret that I am not looking forward to sending Luke to kindergarten. He is the baby, the last of the family. The start of his academic career signals the end of my days as a full time stay at home mommy. I'm still a mommy, but my hours have been cut significantly. There have been tears, frustrations, fears, tears....

So, I've been spending a lot of time in prayer about the changes that are coming around. In my whole life, the only thing I ever really wanted to be was a mother. I understand that I am still a mother, but my role is changing as the boys grow and their needs change. Mentally, I am having a bit of a tantrum about this. I like things the way they are; I'm not ready to move to the next place. And no I don't want another baby....I want these babies! You see what I mean? Total tantrums in my head.

Ok - back to the prayer piece....

On Sunday, as we were praying during church, my heart was pouring out its fears and frustrations about the upcoming changes. It went something like this - "Lord, please help me with this. I'm not holding up so well and I ask you to hold me up instead. Please take care of my boys because I know you love them even more than I do. Help me to be the mother you would have me to be. Amen."

Then I looked around and this is what I saw:

A grown man from church, kneeling at the altar with his mother, arms wrapped tightly around her while she poured out her heart to God.
A mother of two sons, the youngest of which is leaving for college this week, leaving her with a house empty of children at all.
A mother of two sons - one who just got married a month ago and her "baby" is off fighting a war in Afghanistan.
A family whose little boy would have been starting kindergarten this year, if he had lived.

Somehow, in the light of these other mothers/families, my heart was comforted.

If the boys don't grow and change, I'm missing out on the wonderful, Godly men they will become. Someday they may hold me at the altar to pray. I don't want to miss that.

Someday, they will leave the home for good, not just for 7 hours a day. I'll bet some mothers would give anything to have their children come bounding through the door at 3:30 every day.

Some mothers would give anything to know their child was safe in college, not across the world, fighting in a war.

Some mothers would give anything to have seen their child live to be five years old, heading off to school, excited and scared all at the same time.

When I looked around my church and saw what God had for me to see, much of my sadness evaporated. These milestone moments are tough for me to take sometimes, but I am reminded again to bring it all to Jesus' feet. He will carry me through when I can't carry myself. He will and does answer prayer.

And these milestone moments...they really are a gift.

Delicious Ambiguity

2010-08-14T17:43:00.000-07:00

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity."~ Gilda Radner

5

2010-08-13T00:00:00.000-07:00

I've never had a problem with any specific months of the year until I had babies. Suddenly, January was a nightmare month, with stomach viruses and croup and ear infections galore. We said good-bye to our loved ones in December and reunited with them in February. January was devoted to leaving the house on an as needed basis only.

Now, children...school-age children. (dum, dum, dum...) August is my new least favorite month of the year. It is HOT, the children are bored and tired of everything that has kept us laughing all summer, and the vacations are over. Not to mention, school is starting. This brings new worries (prayer requests) about teachers and friends and what am I going to do with myself all day without Nicholas/Luke/both my babies to keep me busy?

So, in an effort to be positive, here are 5 things I like about this (awful) month:

My children are golden brown and lovely. I could seriously gobble them up. Nicholas turns golden and sweet like his daddy and Luke gets chocolate-y like his mama. ;-)
Cooking shuts down. It is too hot to cook and/or eat hot meals. So we eat sandwiches and fresh fruit and salads. Yummy to eat and simple to clean up. I wish we could do this year round.
There is always ice cream/popsicles in the house and it is always a good time to have one.
Church is awesome good fun for the kiddos. They leave the traditional schedule of the school year and every time church meets the children have fun, wacky, exciting activities - and they learn about God's love and serving others. The best of both worlds.
You don't have to wear make-up. I get tired of putting on make-up every day. In August, I say good-bye to make-up because I tan so quickly that nothing really looks right. I still put it on for certain occasions, but odds are good if you see me in August - my face will be sporting moisturizer only.

There you have it. 5 reasons to appreciate this dreadful, dreaded month. I feel better already!

Summertime...

2010-08-12T00:00:00.000-07:00

School starts in less than two weeks and I cannot believe it. I would like to say I'm in denial, but I can't because I'm worrying/praying about it daily. Somehow, sending Luke to kindergarten is harder than sending Nicholas was. Maybe because he is the baby? Maybe because Nicholas had just turned 6 when he started and Luke is still 5? Maybe because Luke is a shorty like his mom and he seems smaller? Maybe, maybe, maybe....the voices in my head are relentless. ;-)

Instead of obsessing about the time that is rapidly passing here are some
things we've been doing the last two weeks...

Nicholas went to Sean May basketball camp and had the time of his life. His team,
Duke oddly enough, won it all for their division. He was a proud little Dukie for
what we hope is the only time in his life. (Insert Carolina fight song here...)

He got Sean May's autograph, along with two other players from the 2005 Championship Carolina team. He got to meet a ton of athletes that week. Sadly, Dwayne Wade and LeBron James were not in attendance. (We told him like a MILLION times that they would
NOT be there, but he still had hopes.)

We have logged about a hundred hours at the pool this summer. Luke learned how to swim underwater and has been so brave.

Nicholas has tried to teach him how to do a cannonball, but much to his dismay Luke jumps in screaming "cannonball!" and fails to pick up his legs.
"Let him be little" I say to Nicholas.

And we got to spend some time with my favorite little girl in the whole world...my little ladybug. Her big cousins love having her over to play, especially if she is the only cousin visiting at the time. They take turns giving her rides on Luke's 4-wheeler and she can't get enough of the attention.
Summer - the days are long but the time is short. I wish it never had to end.

Choose happiness

2010-08-11T13:57:00.000-07:00

Doesn't this just say it all?

I'm thinking of a new look for my bedroom.
Something dreamy and pale.
Restful. Quiet.

Steve is going to be so excited...
He gets to do all the painting and
heavy lifting. I sure do love that man!

God is good all the time

2010-07-29T12:11:00.000-07:00

Today was a tough day. My sister had her final court date for the terrible accident with the bicyclist in March. She has been devastated about this accident. Court was a nightmare. Many members of his family and his community came out to support him in death, as I am sure they supported him in life. My sister, already struggling to hold it together, had a hard time standing up through the outpouring from his family about the loss they suffered.

As the judge said "It was a tragedy and an accident." This doesn't diminish their loss or her grief. His wife is amazing. She literally takes my breath away. I have never seen anyone behave with such an amazing display of Christ's love.

We pray for her and their family every single day.

Today we strive to remember that God is good all the time. Even on days like this.