What I Do Have

I just saw a lady walking the halls in the hospital by herself. She is in labor and all alone. No daddy. No loving husband to give support. Sad.

One of my friends from preschool, that I lost touch with since our children all moved on to different schools, passed away last weekend. It was a tragic accident. She was 39 and leaves behind a husband and a little boy. My heart is so sad for the whole situation.

So I sit here, having moments of self-pity and doubt, when these things flash in front of me. Why me? Why do I have such hard pregnancies when I do everything "right"? I know women that use drugs while they are pregnant, that engage in risky behaviors, that do everything "wrong" and never have a single glitch. I get a bad case of the "why me's?"

That is just stinkin' thinkin' and it doesn't do me or anyone else any good.

Everyone has hard times. Everyone has troubles. No one gets through life without disappointment, heartache or difficulty. God is so good to show me this when I need it. I can always count on Him to offer me some perspective - it has happened so many times in my life and I'm so grateful for those reminders.

Here is what I do have:

• a healthy baby growing in my tummy
• excellent medical care and the insurance to pay for it
• nurses spoiling me rotten and taking great care of me
• doctors that care and show me so much compassion
• a husband that loves me so much, doing everything and anything I ask and then some
• friends to entertain me, love me, pray for me
• fantastic in laws taking good care of my boys in my absence
• two sweet children that are being so good about this hard time away from mommy
• a time to rest before Olivia gets here and things get c-r-a-z-y
• faith that all things happen for a reason

Here is what I could do without: the sound of women giving birth in the room next door. Some women have a harder time than others with labor and I could do without that soundtrack. Oh well. :-)

Life makes love look hard

Here I sit. Still in the hospital five days later, with an indefinite stay stretched before me. I am bored, I miss my children desperately, and I am getting a little depressed. All around me I can hear the sounds of other moms having their babies, those sweet newborn cries penetrating the walls. Then I hear the sound of those other women packing up, off to start their adventures with their new family. All the while I wait.

We've had tremendous support from family and friends and Steve has been so good to me. He is taking such good care of me when he isn't working and he is trying so hard to make this as easy on me as possible.

But like most things in life, this is something I carry alone. Pregnancy trials can really only be borne by the mother. This is both the gift and the burden of the mothers role. I get to have a joy about this little girl that no one else can totally share in, as much as they will love and adore her. The flip side is I get trials that no one else can share in either. The best intentioned, most well meaning people in the world can't take one ounce of this from me.

Moments like this I am reminded of grace. I am reminded that I am not alone. That I have a friend that is closer than a brother, an ultimate Healer, a Comforter, and that all of this is according to a plan. I don't have to understand the plan, I don't even have to like it, I just have to have faith and obedience. And in that I am reminded that no matter how isolated or lost I feel, I have never been truly alone.

Time limits

Tonight I type from a hospital bed. The good news is that my daughter is still warm, cozy, and active in my tummy. The bad news is that my water broke on Friday, which at 33 weeks and 5 days was too soon.

and a delivery for Ms. Olivia Kate. I'm contracting pretty regularly but the real issue is keeping her infection free. With the broken water, she is exposed to all sort of bacteria that can make her sick or kill her. I'm on enough antibiotics to treat an elephant .

The children are at our house with Nana and Pawpaw. Luke is having fun, Nicholas misses us like crazy. We see them every day and skype every night. I miss them desperately. I want nothing more than to be home with my boys, thinking I had another month to get this planned out. Now when return, I'll not be pregnant and our family will be one bigger. Crazy.

Right now we are just really praying that the children are happy and okay. We are praying that Olivia and I stay healthy and she is given the tie she needs to grow and develop safely. It's been a long weekend and a long week coming. Culminating in a c-section for me and a possibly stay in the NICU for Olivia Kate.

In the midst of all this, we found out today that a casual friend of ours passed away today. She was kicked in the head by a horse and died this morning. It is just a very sad scenario.

In light of all of this going on this weekend I am reminded that time is a limited commodity. Kiss your husband good bye every day; don't let your children miss out on your hugs, kisses, and attention. Embrace every moment, choose happiness. You never know when something beautiful in your life will be over.