In this moment

In this moment...

I am in bed. The bed I've been in since 5:00 this afternoon. It was 3:00 before I came in from work, too late for a nap, and I am knackered.

I am fighting a head cold. A nasty one that won't leave me alone. My eyes burn, my throat hurts, I'm queasy from congestion, and I feel like I've got a fever.

Luke is lying in bed beside me. There is no place on earth I'd rather him be. He brought a book, crawled in with me and said "I'm going to hang out with Mommy." Then that precious boy read for a while, rolled over and went to sleep. Love him so much.

Nicholas is in his bed, supposedly sleeping, but probably reading. I made a trip to the library yesterday so his book supply has been refreshed. We may not see him again until next Tuesday.

Steve is downstairs, probably exhausted after working full time and being Mr. Mom today. I forgot Luke had to go to his grandpa's office after school to interview him and take pictures for a big project. Poor Steve remembered and took him, then got the children dinner on the way home. He also sat in the carpool line, cleaned up whatever mess was generated today in this empty house, and did full on parenting duty single-handedly. Oh, how I love Steve. I would marry him every day of my life if I had the chance.

I am reading a book called Breaking the Rules by Suzanne Brockmann. I have to tell you, I really loved her series of books when they first started out. I've been reading them for about 10 years or so. Then her son came out of the closet with an alternative lifestyle and her books changed. It stopped being heterosexual romance and started being very unpredictable. The one thing you could count on was a political message about gay tolerance. I just wanted to read about the fictional Navy Seal team and the characters she dreamed up to go with it. I didn't want politics with my guilty pleasure books. Eventually, I quit reading her books but I stumbled on this one at the library and was pleased to see it was about a character I really liked. Now, I'm remembering why I quit reading the books. I don't want politics with my fluff, thank you very much.

In this moment, I am tired of being pregnant. That sounds ungrateful doesn't it? I am so excited about Kate, I'm just tired of being tired and sick. I'm tired of worrying. I'm worried about the future. I feel like I'm in limbo and I haven't had energy or felt like myself since June.

In this moment, I am mostly just tired.