Thinking Pink

I am actually speechless.

Do you believe that? I didn't think so.

Steve and I took the boys for an optional 3D/4D ultrasound to get a peek at the baby. We didn't really tell anyone we were going because we thought it might invite people to share their opinions about having them vs. not having them. To be honest, we almost didn't have it because it is a splurge, not a necessity, until a friend pointed out "This is your last baby. Do everything you want to do because you don't get another chance."

Well said. The ultrasound debate was over and it was on!

A piece of me, a very tiny piece, questioned "Do I really want to know? Am I really ready to give up the dream of either?" and the much larger, louder piece said "ABSOLUTELY!!" So, I listened to the loud one. She usually wins.

Now, I have been abundantly clear that I was not pulling for either gender with this baby. Steve was hoping for a girl, the children were hoping for a boy, and every person on the planet seemed to want us to have a girl. I honestly did not care. I just wanted a child. However, there is no convincing me that this child is anything but a boy.

Steve and I have had many conversations where he calls the baby "she" and I say "you better get used to it, this is a boy". One of us had to be right. I say it's me.

I spent a lot of time the night before the ultrasound praying. Praying for a healthy baby, praying that Steve would not be terribly disappointed by a boy, praying that people would be kind when they heard that it was another boy.... You get the idea.

So, we go in for the ultrasound and it was amazing to see the baby in 3D! The details are amazing. About 3 or 4 minutes in, she goes to check the gender. Steve and I are chatting about something with the baby and not really paying attention. We don't notice anything on the screen. That should have been a clue. Suddenly, she says "You need to stop calling this little girl a boy, she isn't going to appreciate that."

I almost fell off the table. Could you say that again please?

And she said it...the words I honestly never thought I would hear. "It's a GIRL!!!"

Well, I wish I could say I cried or laughed with joy. What I did was lie there in shock while Steve grinned and did the laughing with joy bit. Then I politely requested that she check again, about 25 more times in the course of the 45 minute visit.

After many conversations about missing penis's and the possibility that "it just hasn't grown yet" and the obvious girl parts that were present, I guess I finally believe it. (Well, also after coming home to compare the boys ultrasound photos with this one, but that is it.)

We are having a daughter. My life will get to include ballet slippers and tutus, tea parties, a daddy's girl, baby dolls, hair bows, tights, mary janes and smocked dresses, and a multitude of teenage things I don't even want to think about.

I am overwhelmed. With the responsibility, with the blessing, and with love. The Taylor Swift song "Enchanted" keeps running through my head. Today, I was enchanted to meet her. I can't wait to do it for real. At some point it ran through my head "God gave me the exact family I dreamed of - 2 boys and a girl.

The more important thing running through my head is the scripture "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" Psalm 37:4.

I say it a lot and I'll say it again...I am so blessed.